And this time baby makes SIX.

 2:24 AM I woke. Wondered if this was it. We had had a few weeks of labor symptoms, and even had our midwife come out on election night  because we were suspicious that labor was maybe coming that day. She graciously spend the night, even though it turned out to be a false alarm… So at 2:24 am on November 14, I was hesitant to commit to the idea of labor, especially because the date happened to be your due date. Who's born on their due date?! Your mama didn't pay mind to that  date her entire pregnancy because babies come when they're ready. The night before, your daddy had rubbed my feet while your brothers and I watched Christmas movies. That evening I did the Miles Circuit to help you be in an optimal position, per my Midwife's suggestion, which I had forgotten until that day.
 When I woke early that morning, or in the middle of the night, I laid in bed a bit then walked around in the quiet. I was cold, so wrapped up in a blanket and bounced a bit on the birth ball. I was cramping, and was thinking about waking daddy… Ridge is not a great sleeper presently, and he walked by and we talked for a bit. I then went to the bathroom  and decided this definitely was it… I woke dad (it took some loud whispering) at 3:15 AM and then we went in the living room and I called Dawn, my midwife. Contractions were coming every 3 to 5 minutes and with Arrow arriving so rapidly I didn't want to risk not getting our birth team there in time. Dawn headed our way and dad decided to take a quick shower. At that time, I was pretty convinced this wasn't a false alarm, so I called Tavia, our photographer, and Brandy, our midwife assistant, and everyone was headed our way.   Nana had been called after Dawn, to go ahead and come tend to the brothers. I told daddy everyone was coming and he got a weird look on his face. He knew we were going to meet you soon. He filled the birth pool because we had no idea how long it would be before you arrived. I rested as contractions kept coming every 3 to 5 minutes. Dawn checked in on me several times (her drive was about an hour).
Ben Taylor, James Taylor, Amos Lee, and a few others played  quietly over my phone in the background as I waited to welcome you.  Tavia arrived and got her gear ready and waited as everyone else traveled our way. Daddy had Sawyer get in our bed with Arrow, who began coughing and vomited. So we cleaned that up-luckily the bed had a mattress protector on it in case my water had broken, so clean up was easy. Arrow took a bath and then Sawyer and Arrow got up at this time (way too early)! Ridge slept a long time.  Brandy, then Dawn, arrived, both a bit before Nana. Then everyone was there and waiting. Brandy took mommy's vitals and listen to you-your heartbeat was great. Everyone was resting and quiet and letting me do what I needed. I had started some laundry -- Arrow's mess-  and warmed some breakfast. Daddy made coffee. Contractions stayed about five minutes apart and were getting strong, but manageable because of the break in between. I was eating and drinking as I pleased, and walking around to keep things going. In my mind, if I didn't, contractions might stop and I was annoyed with that possibility. The contractions were worst when I would take a potty break -  intense, activity stopping, toe curling tightenings. Then, five minutes of rest. The team was all working, chatting, snacking in the dining room, allowing me to labor. Dawn checked on you and me often. I remember daddy and I laughing a lot. I took a tiny nap, maybe 10 minutes. About an hour  or so later, Dawn and I talked about an exam to check how things were progressing. I don't like to know this information mentally, but we went ahead with the exam because Dawn knew this about me and didn't tell me my progress / dilation. I knew dad would want to know, and I also knew an exam might speed things a bit.  This was about 9:30 AM, and Dawn just said "it won't be long now, Mama. "  The team begin coming into the living room/birth space, and we all kept waiting. The pool water was added to, because it was a little cool. I had no idea if I'd even know when to get in that pool, but contractions were getting difficult to talk through. I needed daddy to lean on. I started having longer contractions and longer rest times. I remember only smiles and laughter amongst   us all.  I remember Dawn was just smiling and laughing and holding space-I didn't really understand that term completely until I watched it in her. That time period from 9:30  on, and really the whole morning, was/is only a memory of joy for me. Such peace and love and support in the quiet, still, sort of slow morning. Sometime maybe around 1030 I had a contraction strong enough that I said " if this one stops, I'm getting in that water. "So, I did know when to move to the tub! The water brought comfort and relief and I still remember laughing through the rest periods, and wanting to but not being able to during the tightenings. I was leaned over on the pool wall, daddy by my face. I was on hands and knees because I guess I was most comfortable that way at that point. Dawn  and Brandy checked on me and listen to your heartbeat, you were doing well.  I was surrounded by candles and soft music and daddy and a team who was carefully picked by us, and who loved us so well for nine months (and before).  I had prayed for a longer trial of labor and the Lord answered that request as such. Soon, it was time to meet you.


 At 11:09 AM, during a push, my water broke, bringing some short relief. From that point, things were intense and communication with difficult for me. You would be here soon, but for another push or two, I could not feel you descend and I had definite doubts that I'd be able to do this. I knew there was no other option because heck if I was going to move somewhere else  at that point. One more long forever push later, and I knew you were coming. So with everything I had, I pushed as the Lord brought you from my womb to this world. Dawn helped to push you forward in the water, where daddy and I lifted you up and I exclaimed with joy and tears that you were a girl.   I didn't see any of the other faces in the room then, but your daddy was so happy and proud. You cried immediately. You were covered in vernix. You were tiny. The double nuchal cord we saw at 36 weeks that had me worried wasn't even an issue, because no cord it all was wrapped around your neck at birth.  You and I rested in the pool until the placenta was delivered and you had nursed a little and daddy cut your cord. Your temperature was a little low, so Dawn and Brandy gave you to daddy and you had skin to skin time with him while they cared for me and got me to bed. Daddy brought you back to me, we got you warmer. Daddy helped weigh you, and Dawn checked you over and did your beautiful rainbow footprints on your certificate of birth.



 The team cleaned everything up and your brothers met you, and we all snuggled and loved on you and told our team goodbye for the day. Every birth of our babies has been special and sacred and changed our lives. Your birth, our first daughter, into our home, our way , in peace and calm and full of love and laughter, is no exception to this. I will treasure that day in my heart forever. You are smiling in your sleep  on my chest right now, and my heart is so very full of love for you, my tiny pink rainbow baby girl. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by a Father who loves you so very much. He gives such good gifts and we are blessed beyond measure to call you ours. Thank you for giving your mama the opportunity to work so hard for nine months towards a dream. When I learned of my pregnancy with you, a song wasdear to me-the lyrics went "dreams that bear the mark of love are dreams that never die. "After two losses and a long pregnancy full of learning and growth and struggles- HERE YOU ARE.  Welcome to this world, baby Ida Jane. You are so, so very loved.

And baby makes five.

SUPER DUPER LONG POST DISCLAIMER!!!

I have to get this written down or it will surely leave my memory!!  Almost one week ago (tear, teeeeear, weeeeeeeeeeeping, sobbing tears...a week!) our third baby entered the world. A few friends have asked to hear the birth story, and while I never blog anymore, I do like keeping record of our life over here, so I thought this a great place to just lay it all out. So here goes.

We've done this pregnancy all different. Baby was a surprise. We decided to do things all surprise worthy this time- we didn't find out the baby's gender, we wanted to go into labor on baby's own time, I wanted to have a natural birth this time, we used a doula and hired a birth photographer (a photog friend was at R's birth four years ago, and those pics are some of my favorites even still. I highly, highly recommend a birth photog. and a doula :) ), I used a midwife for all my prenatal and delivery "stuff" this time. It was all just different. And fabulous.

The pregnancy was an easy one.  We have been seeing a chiropractor for almost a year, and I continued that throughout my pregnancy. This has helped me to feel well for the entire pregnancy. We also have eaten a paleo diet most of the year, and this helped me to keep my weight down (I gained a lot with my first two babies) with this pregnancy, where pretty much all the weight went to baby/fluids/etc instead of to .... other areas of my body.

We also took a 12 week Bradley Method birth class. Husband coached child birth. 12 weeks is a huge commitment when you have other kiddos to take care of, but thankfully family and friends helped out in watching the boys when we had to go to class.  It was a great time with a few other couples, learning what is, and is not, normal/necessary/etc in birth. The classes required a food diary, to keep you on track diet wise, and also a lot of exercises to help baby get in position as well as prepare you for labor and delivery (I highly recommend these classes, as well!)

So we were prepaaaaaared, people. Prepared.

Enter September 23rd. I have a febrile 4 year old, and contractions (not Braxton Hicks contractions...real ones) coming every 5-7 minutes. Husband at evening work that day. Easy contractions, but definitely regular. For six hours. Then...nothing. Fortunately, the 4 year old was well within a couple of days...but still, no more labor.

This pregnancy was a little different in the sense that my platelets were low the entire time. So I had a lot of labs that I would not otherwise have had. Towards the end of my pg, this meant weekly monitoring because we didn't want the platelets to get too low, and before that happened, we would've probably been strongly considering an induction. So we were hoping baby came before that decision had to be made (my first two were induced labors. They were fine. i just didn't want to do that again.)

So Tuesday, October 1st, I had a pressure massage to maybe get things going labor-wise.  My doula also taped a couple of pressure points with kinesiology tape in an experiment (thanks to her husband's brain) to help induce labor. Honestly, I had a few contractions pretty immediately.

Wednesday, October 2nd, was pretty slow going in the labor department. I had a midwife appt that day, where we discussed if we HAD to induce, how would we approach that?  It was a great appointment, my midwife is fantastic, and she was confident it wouldn't come to that and that my baby would be here within a week.  Because I used a midwife, I had no idea my dilation/effacement at this point because unless necessary or requested, she doesn't do vaginal checks.  I was great with this because it honestly puts pressure on a mama wanting a natural delivery (oh crap. I'm only at a 2 and I'm already at 40 weeks, etc).  Mind over matter. Brain body connection.  If I am relaxed enough to allow my baby to get here on time, my baby will get here in his/her own sweet time.

{side note: I was Group B Strep Positive with this baby, so the only thing looming over my head was the "need" for antibiotics upon arrival at the hospital. this stressed me out for a few reasons. One, antibiotics destroy good bacteria AND bad bacteria. So the bad would be removed, but so would all the good bacteria baby gets passing through the birth canal. i wasn't really okay with this.  One option is to decline the antibiotics. I'd declined a lot this pg, so it wouldn't have been surprising at all :) i also knew with zero antibiotics, the odds are incredibly small that anything would be wrong with baby. So the risk was minimal. very minimal. like...half a percent. So we decided to go ahead and do some natural protocols at home to help decolonize the bacteria, and I also was treated by my naturopath to eliminate the colonization. So we were confident it would not be an issue, but agreed to receive the antibiotics upon admittance. They are administered for 15 minutes, 4 hours apart...and I needed to get 2 doses. i had no confidence at all that i'd be in labor that long with my third baby, so I fully anticipated not receiving both doses, bc I knew it would be impossible}

Continuing with October 2nd. I dropped the boys off at church, visited with a few people...i was starting to feel kind of crappy-- sweaty and sort of tummy-achy.  I thought it was because I really realllllly had to pee and had been holding it a long time for a pregnant person, or even a non pregnant person (I know. I shouldn't have done that).  Anyway, after taking care of that, the contractions (which is what was going on) didn't stop. I picked the boys up from church, got them in bed, and did a few things around the house. I was texting a couple of friends and one suggested lying down.  I did, and began timing the contractions. While working/standing up they were coming every 2-3 minutes and lasting at least 45 sec. When lying down, they spread out to every 5-7 mins but were still close to a minute long. And these hurt. They weren't like the ones ten days before. I texted my husband, who was at evening work that night too, to come home early.  He did and we both thought we'd be going to the hospital soon.  I kept my doula up to date, and finally went to sleep. At 2:30 I woke up, and after that, contractions subsided. Nothing. Again. All day Thursday, nothing. I worked in the yard, I made some vegetable stew to freeze, just went about my day.  That night, I got in bed early, because i'd been pretty tired that week. at 11:45 I woke up with terrible contractions. I had to pee, so i did that, got back in bed, and tried to sleep through things.  at 11:51 I woke up to the same hard seemingly unbearable contractions. I knew i couldn't sleep through these. Eventually I clawed B's back until he woke up and said, "Are you OKAY?" and i said, "no...they hurt...i can't do this!" and I tried moving positions and finding some way to bear the pain. He was ready to go to the hospital, I wasn't convinced. We were texting our doula, and i was texting a friend of mine. Our doula calmly encouraged us to not rush, get things together, eat if I was hungry, etc.  I wasn't hungry, which should have probably been a signal for me that it actually was time to get out of the house and go. She wanted to know, when we'd decided to go, if she should meet us there. We both felt confident she could wait because check in would take forever, etc.  We called my friend Erin and her husband came over to sit in case the boys woke up while we were gone. I still was not convinced this was the real deal, but the pain was getting worse, and i could not talk through the contractions. My mom was on her way to stay with the boys, but she lives about an hour away, so we didn't wait on her. We got in the car and left, and got to the hospital about 1:40 AM.

When we arrived, I told B to park the car, we didn't need valet, it wasn't that urgent (um, by the way, laboring in the CAR? that is hardcore, people. There's no way to be comfortable!  Grab that handlebar thing by the door and just bear down, basically.) We parked, I got the camera while B got the other stuff, and we started in. i had to stop halfway in the parking lot to brace myself through a contraction, then we continued in the hospital. We told the labor and deliver door person we were there to have a baby. they let us in, we went to triage/admitting, where i began filling out paperwork while I contracted away. :)We got to triage, where I had to go pee. "Pee in a cup for me, ma'am" Okay. I can do that. i return with pee in a cup and find out I have to have a dilation check. Nope. not in our birth plan, sister. so i calmly explain this, and am told it doesn't matter in the middle of the night, i HAVE to be checked. If I'm not at a 5 they can't admit me or call my midwife.   So we ask the nurse to leave, and we try to talk through it. Contractions are incredibly painful by now and are coming at LEAST every 2 minutes, lasting for about 60 seconds. B is in the room, but leaving occasionally to call our doula and birth photographer. A few contractions I go through in the triage room alone (yes, we should have let our doula come sooner! rookie move for us! I just assumed I had 3 or 4 hours left to go...but..keep reading).  Finally at 2 AM the nurse returns, I agree to let her check me but tell her she better hurry because she has about a minute before my contractions pick back up. B is in the hall calling our doula asking her to bring me a ponytail holder when she comes...The nurse checks me (that's super fun) and leaves the room. i told her i did NOT want to know my dilation, because if I was in that much pain and at a 3, I did not even want to think about it. So she left the room, ran to the front desk apparently, and B asked her upon her return (outside of my earshot) what my dilation was. I knew I was past a 5, because she was looking for a midwife.

The nurse hooked me up for a 20 minute fetal monitoring strip, and began getting things ready for my iv antibiotics and lab work.  I had an intense contraction at this point and had to lean over the bed in the triage room (i was standing). Immediately when that one ended, another began and the nurse said 'talk to me through it, tell me what you feel' I felt like smacking her for asking me to talk through it (she wasn't being ugly, I was)...but the answer to her question was, "i feel like I'm going to push or poop." To which she responded by picking up the phone and saying "we need a room right now." B had me get on the triage bed, and they began wheeling me into the only clean room available, a room on the high risk ward (I wasn't high risk, that's just all there was).  as soon as we get in the room, the nurse says to another nurse "you're going to have to catch this baby. she doesn't want to know her dilation, but she's going to deliver soon and i can't find a midwife or anyone. where does leanna (my midwife) live?" the answer-- edmond. too far.  B tells me at this point "you need to know your dilation. you need to. you're at a 9. The baby is going to be here soon, and no one is going to be here. you need to know that- erica (doula) is on her way but won't make it on time, tavia (photographer) isn't going to make it, you need to know-- there isn't going to be time. we are just going to have this baby."  The nurses are there, I am screaming like an insane woman-- totally out of body experience that I could not recreate if I wanted to, because I don't fully remember it. one nurse says "i can see the head" in a totally calm voice, which totally freaks me out.  We had been told when you need to push you will know, the urge will be too strong to ignore...this is absolutely true.  Between that moment and the next, somehow I get moved to a regular birthing bed.  i didn't intend to birth in a bed, but...that's what was going to happen. no labwork for me. No antibiotics for me. it was go time.  I get on that bed, nurses are charting/getting things ready/etc.  b is at my feet telling them "who is going to catch this baby!??! am I!? because this baby is coming soon. when she starts pushing, it will be one or two pushes, you need to know this!!!" and no one is really moving my way.  i scream again, push to the best of my ability, and look up to see a doctor I don't know gloving up and getting kind of in position. :) nothing is prepped in the room, there is no draping down to protect the bed or the floor, and as soon as I look up i feel something i haven't felt before so I say "what was that!???" and the doctor responds "that was your water. it broke." my defensive response "did you BREAK IT?!?!?" because I did NOT want that to happen and things were going so fast there was no time to even talk about decisions like that before they were made. she said "no. I'm dr. Arnold and I am going to help you have this baby. I heard you from the hallway and came in to help."  Bless you dr. Arnold because there was no one else coming.  Another resident (dr. arnold is also a resident, I believe) entered the room and Dr. Arnold was able to get me focused enough to remember the right way to push. The terribly frightening annoying screaming that was coming from my lungs continued, and after every bout of screaming I apologized for the crazy screams and for the fact I was going to poop...but three pushes later and our baby was earthside (screaming subsided, and no poop ever occurred). Oh my. The intensity. The pain that was gone as quickly as it happened...so exhilarating!  and there was our baby!  Another BOY!!

Arrow Scout Cary, born at 2:19 AM (yes, time is right. We got there 1:40 AM. vaginal check at 2 am. Baby at 2:19 AM. insane)....9 pounds 5 oz!!! 21 inches long. beeeeautiful.


The residents were rockstars at helping me out as well as honoring my birth plan, which they had certainly had zero time to read, but they cooperated with every request we made.  being unmedicated, I was of totally clear mind and able to say "we want this, don't do this, etc." and my husband was fabulous at advocating for me.  The residents were awesome to double check before doing ANYTHING "is it okay if i..." etc.

Shortly after Arrow's birth, our doula and photographer arrived (ha!). both stayed for a good long while and were excellent encouragers/support people to have around.  Bless them for giving up some time...some sleep!  A little while later, they left, I got out of bed, went to pee, and the nurse took me and Arrow up to the mama/baby floor where we settled in for about 36 hours.  everything was awesome.  and my baby is awesome.

A few things to note:
Arrow was big, so they wanted to do a glucose test, and if he failed, they'd give him formula.  totally unnecessary action-- colostrum is plenty. So I refused that. Later I found out he was literally barely big enough to warrant that test. a tiny bit smaller and no test would've even been requested.  While they may not always agree with your choices, I appreciate OU because they do realize they are MY choices.

We did have a CBC done because of R's history with bleeding. Arrow's labs were pretty much great. we delayed cord clamping, so his hemoglobin was ridiculous-- like 19.5 (this is high. he is a very red baby!)

His heart screen didn't check out great, because the blood pressure machine was being finicky.  The pediatrician was not worried about it, so we were discharged. Our pediatrician also is not worried about anything, his heart sounds great, so we are moving right on past that.

All in all, that day, those moments, were some of the best of my life.  I'd do it again that way in a second.  Totally exhilarating. Terribly painful. but short.

I can't get over my baby. He is so wonderful. The Lord is so good to have blessed us with another son. So so gracious.  Every day i am a little sad that Arrow is already growing. He will be a week old in six hours. He is a relaxed baby who only cries at diaper changes. My big boys love him.

why arrow?
Because, the Lord makes it clear in Psalm 127--
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.

Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!

He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

That's why. Every child the Lord sends our way is a blessing. He is sovereign over all things, and who am I to question who he will send to this little family (or big family? :) ).  I trust him. I trust that anyone he sends to us is truly sent from him. A blessing. How humbling that in these little tiny beautiful babies, the Lord is blessing us. Rewarding us. Truly he sanctifies us through parenthood, so there will definitely be trying days. But praise be to God our Father for smiling upon us and sending us this precious Arrow. He truly is fantastic. God gave me a good thing in my babies. God gives us good things in our babies, parents.  Good, good things.  Hug them. Breathe them in deeply.  See them each for the blessing they are, even if maybe we don't know exactly what that is yet.  The Lord has seen fit to send you the children he has sent you.  He has blessed you, indeed.  I have prayed this entire pregnancy that this baby would be a redemption of sorts. The last baby we had was a through-the-fire experience, where the Lord completely changed us through that forging. We are grateful. I am relishing in every moment with this baby, trusting the Lord's grace and kissing the sweet chubby cheeks off my baby's face every moment I can. Blessed indeed!

well hi there.

Here's the thing. I'm not a blogger. Apparently.  I mean, my last post was...five months ago.  This is record craptastic blogging, I'd say.  I mean, I know people who've blogged one or two times. Period. And they get to just stop blogging and I won't think anything about it, because they never really got started. But...I used to be a regular.  I assume there's something to be said about not just rambling to ramble.  So...you're welcome for the five month silent treatment.

I had a friend email me the other day (hello, friend) saying "remember when you used to blog?"

ha. nope. when was that? like...forever ago.

Quick recap on our hap hap happenings:
1) Kids are good. big one will be 7 soon. Little one 4 soon. Third one on the way, eta October.
2) Little kid still doing great. line's been out two years, and almost two years since last transfusion.
3) uh, literally, that's all.  I mean...the big one has been losing a lot of teeth this year. That's kind of new and exciting and strange.  The little one will be our first child to break a bone; I will take bets if you don't believe me.  He climbs. He is reckless. He is fearless. Sigh.

We are about to finish our first year of Classical Conversations, a homeschool program we've joined this year. It is fantastic.  Lots of memorization. Lots of songs. Some handy dandy classical learning going on.  Amaaaazing what the boys can hold in their brains through rote memory. Of course, we learn past that and apply what we are able to apply, but the memory alone will prepare them for critical thinking at such a young age.  This program is truly, truly phenomenal. I mean, mathematically, my kid knows formulas some of the adults I teach don't retain. Sure, he can't apply them yet, but that will come.  He will know them when the time comes. He won't need a formula sheet, or some last minute memory efforts to ditch after an exam. He will know them. They will be stuck in his brain. And take me to History...my goodness. I hated History, my entire academic life.  Good riddance.  Then...this year.  We have learned chronologically all major events from Creation up to present day.  Next week, the kids will learn all of our nation's presidents from Washington to Obama. Every week we learn 7 timeline events, and then we camp out on one major idea in history for that week.  There are (usually) fantastic songs that go with virtually all of the memory work, and I have learned things I never learned before (okay, I probably was taught them in elementary and high school, but I do not recall them at all, because did I say how I hated history? hated it. read the book, answer the study questions, cram it all in for an exam, forget it the next day. I seriously have a recurring dream where I forget to go to a class for like an entire semester. It is occasionally Calculus, which is nonsensical, because who'd skip THAT class? That's some good stuff. :) But, typically it is World History or some other History class. And I fail.  And the teacher usually has some sort of mean thing to say to me for my lack of attendance.  Rightly so.) Anyway, this stuff is good stuff, man. When the mom can't even read through the timeline cards without weeping some weeks, well, you know you're learning some good stuff. :)  It has been wonderful to cross paths with other families to do life with- families with similar vision for their children, families desiring a redeemed education, one that will equip our children with learning through knowledge AND understanding.  I had some spot on, wonderful, caring, fantastic teachers growing up. Really really great teachers. and I always loved school.  Nerrrrd.  But, a lot of what I learned, I didn't retain, for whatever reason, and it is nice go back to the beginning and really learn it. All of it. But, I'm still a nerd!

Holy Week and Resurrection Sunday are still fairly close in our rearview mirror-- and can I just say this is my most favorite time of the year? As a believer, every day is a day to be in awe of the grace I have received, certainly. But this specific week turns me to mush. A sobbing, ugly mess most days. We spent the week lightly- did the schooling we needed to do, and spent time during the day doing a little studying of the Bible regarding the Triumphal Entry through the crucifixion and Resurrection. The days were filled with some small crafts/mementos, and we had some candlelight times several weeks leading up to this week/weekend.  This year, we had a family Seder- we tried that last year and all loved the time so much, we have adopted it as tradition in our family.  It is humbling (sob sob bite my lip fight tears back) to read through the story of our Redemption, our freedom from sin because of the sinless Lamb. Anyway, it was/is a refreshing family time.  How humbling this monumental time in history was/is for us.  We, who are so undeserving, completely undeserving, totally unworthy, have been literally redeemed. redeemed. by the One who had no sin. No sin. No need to die. No need to be forsaken. No need to be alone.  No need to suffer. He took it. In our place. For the utmost Glory of God.  No matter how many times you look at it, if you really look at it, it is overwhelming.

See ya in five months.

Saint Nicholas Day

It is cold here- this morning. It will be nice again this afternoon, but this morning, it was finally cold.  This "winter" has not started out very...wintry.

We have been excited in our house for this day for awhile.   This past year, Santa has been revamped in our house.  And so, today, we celebrate the true St. Nicholas.  There is a wealth of information at www.stnicholascenter.org , but quick summary would tell you that Saint Nicholas was orphaned during his teen years when his parents died.  They left him wealthy, though.  And one eve, he heard a girl crying.  He asked her the issue, and she explained that she and her three sisters were all in love with men they wanted to marry, but they could not, because they were too poor, their father had no dowry money.  So, Nicholas left, and that night, and the two subsequent nights, returned to their home, and tossed a bag of gold coins into the chimney of the girls' home.   He did this in secret.  The father did catch him the last night, but Nicholas asked him to just thank God for answering his prayers, and please to not tell anyone.  That spring, he attended their weddings. :)  He continued to help people, and everyone loved him.  He set an example of how to live, and he was named a Saint.  He loved Jesus.  He was imprisoned for his faith. There is some who say he argued with Arius at the Council of Nicea, about whether there was a time when the Word didn't exist (Nicholas believed the Word always existed....you know, 'In the beginning was the Word" and all), and punched Arius for his heresy.  I have heard that he apologized :).  Anyway, the gift giving to those in need-- in secret, the devotion to the Lord, the passion for Christ, the kindness....THIS is a St. Nick worth celebrating on this December 6th, St. Nicholas Day.  Why?  I pulled these from the St. Nicholas Center site hyperlinked above, but here's why:

• To learn about the true Santa Claus and Father Christmas: St. Nicholas, a man of faith who lived his life in devotion to Christ
• To focus on giving more than receiving: St. Nicholas cared for the needy
• To emphasize small treats and family fun: St. Nicholas loved children
• To provide a bit of special festivity early in the waiting weeks of Advent: St. Nicholas points to Jesus, the heart of Christmas
• To offer a spiritual dimension to gift giving
• To tell the story of a Christian saint, whose model life inspires compassion and charity
• To honor St. Nicholas honors the Christ Child who selflessly gave the greatest gift of all—himself

 

 So today, we awoke to chocolate gold coins in our boots....in sweet little red pouches that I thought necessary. :)  The kids know the candy is from their daddy and I, but the excitement and fun still hangs in the air preceding, and at, and after, the discovery.

But before the kids rolled their bedheaded selves out of their bunks, their daddy came in and whispered, "Birdie has had two pups."  What a fun day to add excitement and anticipation.  Our sweet (but too hyper for me) old girl is working on delivering her (most likely to be) last litter of pups.  She doesn't really like an audience (what's wrong with her?) but she is doing well so far.  A boy and a girl, both look to be orange and white like their daddy, Tucker.

So while we wait in anticipation for the litter to be born today, we are about to have some blackberry muffins for breakfast, the boys are coloring pages about Saint Nicholas, we will read oodles of books and watch a movie or two today, the babes will be treated to lunch out, and we will pick up a dozen yummy cupcakes (thank goodness that Groupon extended its expiration date! Totally forgot about that sweet treat).

We will also give a gift in secret.  I am most excited about this part! Is there someone you know who is in need? Or could use some encouragement?  Or maybe a stranger will cross your path and you will be able to meet a need of theirs today.  In the spirit of Christmas. The spirit of taking what we have, though it be little, and using it to meet a need, or be a blessing, to someone else.  Maybe even sacrificing a bit.  In this anticipated season...the season where we can "sing out for joy, for the brave little boy, who was God but he made himself nothing. Well he gave up his pride, and he came here to die like a man." Jesus.  Who left heaven to come to earth.  The begotten of God, our Rescuer.  He brought the free gift of salvation-given to us out of his great mercy and sacrifice.   Glory.  Glory to the Newborn King.  (quote is from Andrew Peterson's album, "Behold the Lamb of God," which you can listen to almost in its entirety for free here)  .  It is excellent for Advent, and for the entire year! :)

Come, thou long expected Jesus, 
 born to set thy people free; 
 from our fears and sins release us, 
 let us find our rest in thee.  
 Israel's strength and consolation, 
 hope of all the earth thou art; 
 dear desire of every nation, 
 joy of every longing heart.

Born thy people to deliver, 
 born a child and yet a King, 
 born to reign in us forever, 
 now thy gracious kingdom bring. 
 By thine own eternal spirit 
 rule in all our hearts alone; 
 by thine all sufficient merit, 
 raise us to thy glorious throne.

citizenship

Hi there.

Long time no see.


So, here's what I think.  We don't have cable, so I was keeping up as best I could with election coverage online last night. I'm no political junkie, but I do believe it to be important that we exercise our right to vote (my own personal clause here: IF we are educated on the candidates and issues.  There were a couple things on my ballot, for some reason, I had missed knowing would be on there, and I was frustrated with MYSELF for being one of "those" people who just didn't know.  So I think we should always be as prepared as possible-- we've done our research, on the candidates/state questions/whatever.  We aren't going into things blindly).  While keeping up with this coverage online (via CNN, Fox News (gasp!), etc etc), I was also able to keep up with it with an even more fabulous running commentary on everyone's favorite social media site, Facebook.  Oh....facebook.  loveyouhateyou.  And virtually nothing I saw there was good.  And I don't mean because Romney supporters were disappointed, or because Obama supporters were ecstatic.  Those reactions are normal. I was apathetic candidate-wise, because I would've rather voted for someone else (guess!), but in Oklahoma I didn't have that option (I digress.)  What I (we all) saw there that was so not good was the horrible, mean spirited, woe-is-me attitudes. The cutting remarks, the slander, the "I'm outta here" attitude. Some of these only came from the Republican side of things, but the ugliness was rearing its head from both parties, to be sure.  I don't need to type anymore about that, because you all probably saw that on your own news feeds if you have a bit of a diverse 'friend' group. :)

But here's the thing.  Glory be.  Seriously.  Glory straight to God. Not because I think President Obama is leading us in a place we as believers should feel comfortable. I don't.  If Romney had won, my response would be the same-- Glory.  Why?  Because before this day was even a dot on the timeline of our life, God was.  If the Lord doesn't know what every day holds, how is he the Lord at all?  And not just the knowing what each day brings, but the creating it Himself.  We know that nothing that is made has been made without Him. Nothing that has come to pass has come to pass without his permission, approval, and creation.  That doesn't mean we always love it. That doesn't mean it's always fun. That doesn't mean we always understand. That does mean things are difficult sometimes. That does mean struggles exist sometimes.  That does mean we have a lot of questions in some things.  But our Sovereign Lord is the in the business of appointing rulers, kings, authority-- sometimes in what "we" would see as for His glory.  And sometimes in what we would see as 'punishment' or 'destruction'-- this is clear throughout scripture.  I don't know what the Lord is up to, but there is no actual 'sometimes' about it.  It is ALWAYS for His glory. Always.  That is what HE exists for-- the glory of His Name!  We dont' get to pick and choose how he does things. HE is the Lord.  He is sovereign.  He has numbered each of our days, and yesterday happened exactly as he appointed it to happen.  It wasn't an accident. It wouldn't have been an accident had Romney won the election.  Knowing the Lord is sovereign and has done a few miracles, I was kind of hoping for a miraculous announcement of Ron Paul as our newest POTUS. :)  No, really.  Okay, back to the point.  What are we so up in arms about?  Our votes matter because we have a right to cast them.  They matter because we have an obligation to let our voice be heard.  But one way or the other, in an election, some side is going to be disappointed.  But in Christ, this need not be so.  We may want something different, but we can rest assured that He does not always work things out into a nice, easy ride for us.  There was no righteous man running for President, y'all.  The 'lesser of two evils' whoever he be, would still be 'some' evil.  The logic is silly.  When I think upon my 'self' sometimes, I am not excited about the next four years, to be honest. But when we who are in Christ remove ourselves from the equation and remember that He does all things for HIS GLORY, and all those things are for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose...well, it just isn't about us anymore.  So whether these four years bring prosperity and blessing, or poverty and hardship, blessed be the name of the Lord.  He is working ALL things ALL the time FOR HIS GLORY.  He can't do otherwise!

We have lived through some hard, hard things in this household.  Things that people sometimes would see and feel sorry for us, or wonder WHY would God allow that, etc....this is ridiculous.  Was it difficult? yes. was I sad often? yes.  Did I want it to be over the moment it started? yes.  BUT.  The Lord GRACIOUSLY spared our son (he didn't have to. there were times Ridge probably shouldn't have survived medically speaking.  There were times I thought he wouldn't.  there were times i submitted to the reality that this could happen), the Lord walked through that terrible terrible time WITH us, overseeing all things, and I.am. NOT. the. same. person.  Four years ago, I was not this person.  Four years ago, three years ago, even two years ago, I was battling to get over this hardship so our life could go back to "normal."  Praise the Lord He didn't just drop us then and there at my laments.  Praise the Lord he pursued us.  Praise  Him for leaving that difficulty there until His purpose was accomplished.  Praise the Lord our life is NOT "back to normal."  Because stumbling through that taught us a dependency on His providence like we had never, ever known.  Because the hardest thing we have lived through so far was also the greatest blessing- not ONLY because the Lord spared our son (although he does not ALWAYS do this , I am aware and sensitive to that reality, but that is another post entirely) but also because He used that terrible terrible thing to bring glory to His name and to grow us in holiness, to further sanctify us.

Trials will come.  But you can rest assured they never surprise the Lord. Ever. He is always before them. ALWAYS. and He always has His glory in mind.  The question is, will we be a part of that?  Will we allow ourselves to be shaped to His purpose?  Even if it is difficult? Even if it is painful? Even if it is unbearable?  Will we bear it anyway, in/with the help of the grace of God?

I voted early.  But on election day, my Bible reading fell to Habakkuk.  If you haven't read it, it's only 3 chapters, so just go ahead.  But synopsis (I will not do this justice here)-- Habakkuk was a prophet of God.  He was one of the good guys, living rightly.  But the nation he was in was in turmoil.  He was crying out to God to save them.  The Lord responds that He is doing something that Habakkuk wouldn't believe even if he were told.  Whaaaat?  And then the Lord continues by saying He would send the Chaldeans (Babylonians) to come in and seize the land.  This did not seem good.  The Babylonians were powerful and overtook a lot of nations.  They were dreaded and feared.  They come for violence.  So Habakkuk responds that he understands the Lord has appointed them to judge, but he questions if the Chaldeans will just be allowed to continue slaying nations without sparing people (it doesn't quite seem fair. They are not a righteous people, and they are strong and merciless).  So the Lord tells him in a long series of woes basically that the Chaldeans will get theirs, as well.  And Habakkuk replies that even though all of this will come to be, even though he is waiting for the day these Chaldeans will invade, even though things are bad ("....though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines, though the yield of the olive should fail and the fields produce no food, though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls, yet I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds' feet and makes me walk on high places."-- habakkuk 3:17-19

So whatever your take is on the new POTUS, or on the next four years-- whether you are jubilant or discouraged-- it doesn't really matter. The Lord has appointed this day.  Heck, he knows what will happen tomorrow- he appointed that, too.  And in a year? four years?  he's already there!  And it may be better or worse than we could possibly imagine in these next four years, but one thing is for sure and for certain, it will ultimately be for His glory.  And THAT is all that matters for those of us in Christ.  This world isn't our home, anyway!

Glory be.

bulging bookshelves (in my) brain

I love to read.

love. love. LOVE to read.

so when I realized I hadn't posted anything in oh...a MONTHish, I thought,  hmmm...what's been kickin my rear the most recently?  Books.  These books I've been reading are just real butt-kickers.  So, if you enjoy a good chastising, or if you think nothing could possibly need changing in you, or if you know there's a lot that needs to change, or...if you just don't even know what in the world to read at all but you have no aversion to non-fiction, here are some dandies.  I didn't say you'd want to kiss them because they make you feel fantastic about yourself...they are honest, hard, and will pierce at your (and by your I mean my) sinful black heart...or your (and by your I mean my) kind of stagnant brain.

in fact, you might hate them love them.  hove them. late them.  i mean, your relationship with them will be bittersweet in a fantastic way, and you might want to punch the author (s) right in the liver (thank you jen hatmaker for that mental picture in a previous blog post (of hers)...  don't read jen's blog?  you should....she's so honest you will want to weep at your hideous soul when you read some of her posts...but she's also DANG hilarious.  so, here- this is the most recent, and you will LAUGH AND LAUGH: http://www.jenhatmaker.com/blog/2012/09/03/not-a-fan.  I don't know her personally but it's okay for me to act like I do, bc I like to think if I lived in austin, we'd be bffs. I know we would.  That or she'd have to get a restraining order to keep me away from her awesomeness.)

Okay. So in no particular order, here ya go:

Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges

so...that's straight to one that will kick you in the teeth.  I'm not quite finished with it yet, but it is fantastic.  FANTASTIC.  It covers things from worry and anxiety to anger (with people, at people, at God, etc) to whatever.  Sins that possibly you have thought of before, but other "kosher in today's world" behaviors that for the believer are actually just NOT holy.  Too much to cover here, but for example...anxiety, discontentment, frustration, unthankfulness...  short (and mega vague) story on anxiety for me-- I was anxious about a vaccine for Ridge--  something that "needed" to be done (according to the secular and believing world alike).  I didn't have a peace about it it, but I'm weird, so I figured it was just me being a weirdo (in the interest of full disclosure, we do NOT fully vaccinate, and we DO use a spaced out schedule for the vaccines we give. This questioning began when Ridge was ill and had some TERRIBLE issues after some vaccinations...I'm not really interested in discussing anyone's vaccine opinions, though.  Educate yourself, decide what's best based on that education, and do it for your family.)  ANYWAY, I wrestled with this decision for a week or two, before deciding, well, everyone (not everyone.  but most everyone) thinks you have to do this, so we're going to do this.  So...I embark.  On the way to the health department, I completely miss my turn (I KNOW how to get there. I LIVE near there.)  I turn around, get there early, and seriously have to go to the bathroom SO badly I have to leave (they weren't open yet, and i wasn't going to use that bathroom anyway. I have an aversion to public restrooms in general.  Anyway, seriously? I JUST left my house and I can't even make it 5 till they open, 5 mins to get R his vax, and go back home?  nope.  this NEVER HAPPENS TO ME.  EVER.).  I go back home.  By the time I am BACK at the health department, literally like 5 minutes later, it is crowded. I have to wait.  Which is fine, but that's why I got there early.  So we wait and wait and wait, and finally it is our turn and then....there are some glitches.  Some questions about records, some questions about his medical history, blah blah blah (routine stuff).  The whole while, the kids are restless, I am getting more and more irritated and anxious, and nothing is happening.  We are just waiting.  Doctors offices, the health dept, the hospital, all of these places gross me out.  Germs everywhere, I am certain.  Finally, we are alone in our little room, the nurse has gone to find out some info, and Ridge says, "We are NEVER coming back here again!"  I'm sure he just came up with THAT on his own.  I say, "you are right. never ever ever."  Then, I feel my frustration building up in me, and I feel that anxiety, that worry, that concern, that "things aren't going the way i thought they would" and THEN by divine intervention i realize, I am not resting. I am being restless and discontent.  So I correct my speech with my kiddos and say, "Boys. I have prayed for weeks about this, that the Lord would help us to be wise in this decision. That his sovereignty would be apparent.  That we would acknowledge that He is in control.'  Of course, they didn't know what that meant.  But I did.  And when the nurse came back and said she couldn't give us that vaccine, I started crying.  Not because we couldn't get it, but because the Lord had put so many roadblocks in our way that very day. I missed my turn.  I almost had an accident, and I don't mean with my vehicle, and then, after being asked questions I'm NEVER asked about Ridge anymore, even when we have gotten vaccinations, even when he was doing BADLY, I am denied.  I know everyone in the medical community probably thinks I'm a quack, but I don't care.  The Lord was clearly sovereign in our day, and I was able to know that that decision was NOT correct for us on that day.  So even though I wasted an hour of my morning, I was taught a lesson that even in "routine" things, things that we might normally not even bat an eyelash about, we are to trust in his sovereignty and provision. My worrying and anxiety about everything, my trying to make it all work, that was sin. It wasn't resting in the fact that he will provide EVERYTHING we need, and that he has the power to intervene in our lives.  I talked way too long here on this one thing. Read the book. It will definitely change the way you see yourself at least in some regards. 

Next up (I will keep it short from here on out):
Nevertheless I Live, by Mona Adkisson

I grew up in church with Mona. Her oldest son is about the same age as me, and her second son was my sister's age. Her third son was younger than both my sister and I.  This is a book of pages that tell the story of a tragedy I remember well, even though I was young in both instances.   Mona's second son died suddenly at age 3, and a few years later, after she'd had her third son, he died at age 5.  She and her family have walked through a  dark valley...twice.  The Lord has sustained them.  I could not read this book without bawling my eyes out- sometimes because I remembered the emotions....I was only 7 or so when her first son died, but it was on a Wednesday night at church,  and I remember her tears and her crying out to God.  I was not sitting far away from where she cried and prayed, and while I do not have a lot of memories from that age, I vividly remember a lot about that night.  In this book, Mona is transparent-- about her grief, depression that followed, and the grace of the Lord Jesus to carry her family through such such tragedy.  Anyone should read this book, but I definitely recommend it if you have lost a loved one.   I read the book in about a day...and make sure you have tissues nearby. I have linked to amazon, but it is also available from Tate Publishing. 

The Core, by Leigh Bortins

I am not finished with this one yet.  BUT, I think ANY parent, grandparent, or educator should read this.  Whether you educate in the public school system or in a private school or at home.  This book is fantastic, and it really has opened my eyes to some of the pitfalls in our current methods of educating.  It also made me more aware of the parental responsibility to educate, EVEN IF YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT.  We can NOT leave the education "just" to the teachers.  I WAS a public school teacher, and I did my best, but I was one, and they were 20-30, and you can NOT reach them all.  Parents are not always helpful, and oftentimes at the secondary level, because parents do not know/remember the material, they are not helpful at ALL.  Sometimes parents will hire tutors, which is great, but oftentimes, the student is left to struggle alone because he/she is 17 and is going to have to figure it out at some point...or they are to come in early or stay late, and sometimes it just isn't enough.  That's not even really what this book touches on, I'm just addressing for a moment as  a former public school teacher, the need for parental involvement-- not just support, but INVOLVEMENT in their education. Confession:  before we decided to homeschool, I honestly didn't think about THIS as a parent.  I knew I'd check my kiddos' homework and talk to them about their day, but I wasn't thinking, "I need to be involved in their education. They are learning about the pyramids, so maybe I should learn about them, too, so that we can talk about it at home and I can enhance their learning so they can retain it."  Probably everyone else out there thinks that way about their kids, but I didn't, so I'm going to confess it.  But I think it is OUR JOB TO DO THIS KIND OF STUFF WITH OUR KIDS.  It is no one else's responsibility to help them retain their knowledge.  What they get in a classroom is NOT enough for them to retain it (I promise. If it was enough, I'd remember everything I'm teaching my eldest child currently...but instead, I'm learning it all as if for the first time!), even though they probably have the most rockstar teacher in the entire universe (I am being serious.  I have nothing but love for teachers.  I was one, and i am one, so I'm not pushing hate here.)  But seven hours in a classroom (or several) with subjects spread out, and distractions abundant, with 20-30 students per teacher...It just isn't enough; I know because I was that teacher.  And I loved my job. But occasionally I'd have a student whose parent DID understand the math we were doing, and it was fantastic to hear that student come in and say that their dad sat down with them and showed them the lesson this way or whatever.  YES! That is what we need.  Take an interest in what your kiddo is learning, not just because they don't understand it and need your help, but because you are their parent and their education falls under your authority, not the public school system's!  Again, this book covers way more specific things than this, but it is written truly in the spirit of FAMILY educating their children, regardless of WHERE the child goes to school (although, let it be disclaimered that Bortins is a homeschool mama...which is great with me!  But I've read about half of this and I see it as a pivotal book for ANY educator). 

Loving the Little Years, Rachel Jankovic

This is a FAST read. I'm about 70% finished and just started the other day.  I thought it would be funny, but at first it wasn't.  THEN, it was.  Sometimes, my kids make Jankovic out to be a liar, like when she says in trying times to look at the clock, and do what you need to get done, and in 20 minutes, that crazy time will all be blown over.  This isn't the case...ever...in my house.  Eventually it has blown over, but maybe 40 minutes. or 200 minutes.  Whatever. Anyway, there are parts of this book that are laugh out loud funny....and if you are a mama to young children, you need to read this.  Oh, you need to read it-- for the heart warming practical advice and also for the laughs.

and lastly,

Feminine Appeal, Carolyn Mahaney

I saved the doozy for last.  This is a really fast read, I'm almost finished with it and I just started it Monday or Tuesday (it's 9 chapters)... But it will kick your behind, ladies.  And some of you probably will hate it because you probably completely disagree with Mahaney (but I don't know who reads this blog.  So maybe I'm wrong.  I completely agree with Mahaney but I also want to punch her in the liver through most of this book.)  This book talks you through Titus 2, and principles applied from that passage such as loving your husband and your children (whaaaat? :) ), self control, purity, working at home,  (and I haven't read this far yet)- kindness, submission (don't freak out), margaret's story.  I can't speak on those last three because I haven't read those parts of the book.  But I can tell you this-- 1) I didn't know that when the Bible references a wife's love for her husband, the greek used is phileo, which is a more personal type of love, as in close friends/supporters.  And we all know that's what our husbands need is a close friend and supporter, and for many women (I'll raise my hand) that isn't always what comes easiest for us-- but our husband is called to agape love us-- and agape is the type of love Christ had for us, a self-sacrificing type of love...which is something wives usually have less issue with-- we can do laundry or dishes for our husband even if we are upset or annoyed with them.  We can't/don't always easily cheer them on in something that we don't really have an interest in.  Anyway, I just found this interesting (not that we are not obligated to love our husband sacrificially, but the direct statements in scripture regarding a wife loving her husband uses the term "phileo"....Also, same is true of our love for our children! We are to support and encourage them, with a phileo love. Here is my favorite passage from the book so far:
(on the kind of love we are to have for our littles): "What is the ultimate purpose of a phileo kind of love? It is nothing less than the salvation of our children's souls. This is the chief end of mothering. Our goal is not that our children be happy, fulfilled, and successful. Granted, we may desire these things for them, but our highest objective should be that our children would repent from their sins, put their trust in Jesus Christ, and reflect the gospel to the world around them."-- Carolyn Mahaney, Feminine Appeal

Anyway, as you continue to read, Mahaney may irk you. She isn't trying to, but your pride and sin might just get in the way and you might start to kind of despise her.  No, you probably won't, but I might.  I did. I do.  But it's not her, it's me. 

These books are a good kind of burn.  The kind that settles in your soul and gives you a hunger to know more of God.  So...I say read one today!  What books are you reading currently? Feel free to share in the comments, please!!!

The curtain conundrum.

Sigh.  The last 24 hours has been a teary one, y'all. 

I woke up on a Thursday morning, to discover the big giant blinds in my dining room had become injured by a 6 year old.  They wouldn't open....at all. Total jam.  A quick googling found some tips.  So I clumsily took the 60" (that's 5', people!) blinds down from their post.  I examined the interior mechanisms, and saw a tangled up mess.  I don't think a Polly Pocket is small enough to get into the area that was all jammed up.  But I attempted to untangle the mess. About 2-3 hours later, after a lot of fussing and complaining, I had accomplished nothing...other than broken the valance clips that go to the blinds, which meant I needed to find some new ones of THOSE if I ever got my blinds fixed. 

I.Was.Mad.

I resigned myself to the fact that we were just going to have to replace them.  I got in the car with both kids and headed to Lowe's. Where I discovered only the pricier blinds came in the size I needed, and the color family I needed (NEEDED, y'all.  Do you hear it?  NEEDED.  In all truth, I did need some blinds, because it's hot outside.  And my OCD brain needs them to match the other blinds, or at least  coordinate.  But let's just mention for a second that I don't even LIKE these blinds).  Anyway, I look and look, and really, there are NO blinds the size of mine, except for the ones like and similar to the broken ones at my house.  And those are all pricey.  And I'm not in love with any of them.  So I can't justify that.  Plan B  (which I really kind of liked but didn't want to admit)-- make new curtains!  We have no curtains on that window, just the big wooden blinds.  And high, floor to ceiling curtains in some rockin' geometric print would look fantastic in my kitchen (which is slowly, ever slowly, getting a face lift). So...we picked up a cheap curtain rod, and headed to the fabric store.  Where I found some perfect fabric, on clearance.  It was a steal, but still expensive.  I didn't really have another option, and certainly wasn't going to find fabric for a better price than that...so I went and had cut what I needed-- fabric, drapery lining, nine yards of each (that's a LOT)...and headed to the checkout.  $$$ for fabric.  I wasn't surprised at all, I'd done the math.  Curtain fabric is expensive, even if it is almost 70% off.  And I figured it was close in price to the blinds I would've had to buy to replace the other ones, but it was going to look SO much better.  So I was super mad about the cost, but I knew we needed a solution.  Home we came, to finish up laundry so I could prewash the fabric.

In the meantime, I called B-Dawg and blubbered my grievances over the blinds and curtains.  "It's just money.  It's okay.  God will provide." I know. I know know know. But money is tight on a single family income, even when you are doing what you know the Lord has led you to do!  And this month has brought 2 teeth cleanings for little uninsured mouths, glasses for the eyes of someone who is now 30, school supplies for this year (and starting a new homeschool program brought a lot of new curriculum for us), cavities being filled for a certain adult male in the household, a chipped tooth needing to be fixed for the littlest of littles, and a dog going under the knife to prevent procreation....quite a hefty lineup of expenses, none of which were really expected, other than school stuff.  After I got off the phone with him, he sent me a text.  It included the reference to Luke 12:13-34, which is right where we are studying in our Sunday School class.  So I knew what it said.  But I sat down, and read it through my frustrated tears.  High points (read it in its entirety, though!)

V. 15: Then He said to them, “ Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions.”

V. 29-32: ²⁹ And do not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not keep worrying. ³⁰ For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things. ³¹ But seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you. ³²  Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom.

The Lord knows what I need.  He will take care of us. He will provide.  So I thanked him for that, and just asked that he would provide for us in this situation, as I have seen him do so many times before. I know to some, what I spent would not be considered much, but after ALL those other expenses, it was too much for us to feel good about this month.   So I prayed about it, and trusted that the Lord would take care of us.  Assuming that meant money would be freed up somehow, He would supply what we needed.  So... later that night, the washer was empty and I was going to wash the curtains. I was getting kind of excited because the fabric was just gorgeous.  

Enter: B-Dawg. With some blinds.  THE same blinds.  Functioning.  In a matter of minutes, he was able to fix something that I could not fix in hours (I didn't even think this was a possibility, because usually, this is not the order of events in our household . If I thought he could fix the blinds, I would've waited to buy the fabric! :) )  Instead of doing a happy dance, my heart was kind of sad.  At least I had an excuse to make some pretty curtains if the blinds were broken!  I kid you not, I was up for several hours stewing over what to do with this fabric and curtain rod.  I was CRYING over some curtains.  Ridiculous.  Because immediately, B and I both knew that the Lord had provided.  Something that was broken (even the dang valance clips! B found some spares in the garage!) was made whole again, and while there was still "want" for the curtains, there was no "need."  So...was it wrong for me to keep them and go ahead and make the curtains? My brain would not shut off.

No. It isn't wrong to have nice things (to covet them, to live for them, to store them up...yes, that's wrong).  It isn't wrong for me to have curtains in my dining room.  Gorgeous curtains.  But that wasn't the issue at hand.  The issue at hand is that we had prayed and trusted God to provide for our family.  He did.  Not at all in the way I wanted him to.  

But I know if I keep the fabric (oh, I want to keep it.  badly.) and make these curtains, I will every day walk by them and know, the Lord took care of me on that day, and I decided to go ahead and do things my way.  I trusted him, he provided, and I continued on my own path.     If I (painstakingly) return the fabric (yes, it is returnable...I looked for a loophole!) in obedience, I will walk past my ugly blinds every day, a monument to God's faithfulness.  A reminder that He will take care of me, but he will do it His way, not mine.  Because His way is ALWAYS best for me.  And so, even though I don't love them for their looks, I love the blinds hanging in my dining room, because they are a fixed reminder that the Lord does hear our prayers, and that He will do supernatural (I mean it. Those blinds were BROKEN, people, and there's no way my fabulous husband who is great at many things could ever have fixed them in 5 minutes, or at all, any other day) things to accomplish his purpose.  Because, as my dear friend said to me last night, "He cares more about my holiness than my comfort."  And oh, how I am thankful to Him for that.  He doesn't do it my way. He does it the best way.  

He will supply all of our needs, according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.  He's in control, y'all...He is sovereign, even over my decision/circumstance for those stupid ugly blinds.  He will always provide-- but He will do it His way-- anything less goes completely against His character.

So. Go hug your blinds (or whatever your issue is) today.  And thank God for taking care of you!

June. All of it.

June2012...fun month over here, y'all.  What have we been up to?  Apparently I've been so busy (um...no) that I haven't blogged at all.  So here is all of June in one big post.  Mostly pictures.  Because there was just too much going on to narrate it all!

Just before June, we took the kiddos to the Harn Homestead in OKC. fun times with friends,

At the beginning of June, we had a fun time at the park with our cousin, Noah!

I also got my hair cut at the beginning of June or end of May...

then again today! ha...

At the beginning of the month, S turned 6.  We had a Yo Gabba Gabba party in May for both boys with our families...but on S's actual bday, our fam of 4 spent the day at the science museum and ate lunch at Hideaway Pizza (yummmm-o).  S is really growing up this summer and is a great helper. He has helped R with pottying, he helps R get dressed, he helps with the dishes and the laundry...he's just getting big enough to be a big ol' help.  He also is super smart.  He can read pretty much anything you put in front of him, and his math brain is fantastic.  Good stuff.  He is learning (sometimes difficultly!) that our actions speak from what is within us and he is absorbing (usually!) what we are trying to teach him in this respect.  I'm so proud of him, my first baby, the one molded pretty much just like me, although his art genes came from somewhere else, further back in our lineage, I suppose!  Because I couldn't draw or paint if my livelihood depended on it.

The Sprinkle Cake of DOOOOM.  but it was yummy. and rainbow colors inside.

super funny daddy.

 big day. tired them both out.

(for S's birthday, Gibby got him some rad golf clubs!)

In the middle of June, I took a much anticipated, carefully planned vacation with some of my college girlfriends-- we all turned 30 this year and we went to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico and had a GREAT relaxing time!!

It was all so ugly. Can't you tell. Feel sorry for us.  Terrible trip.  :)

Then...I got back, and we celebrated two anniversaries in one day!! June 28, 2012 marked NINE years of marriage for us....

 

Date night photo captured by my eldest child...and (there are nine  flowers in the other photo (for 9 years, duh!)...gerber daisies...i love)

AND...we went to orange leaf to celebrate the ONE YEAR anniversary of NO blood transfusions for Ridge!!! Way to go, God!

Three years ago, no one knew, but many speculated, that we would never see this sight:

And now, we don't have to be scared when Ridge picks up a bat and ball, because his last set of labs were fantastic, with a hemoglobin of 12.6 (holllaaaaa!) and platelets of 242,000-- well within normal range!!! We believe in the Lord, our Healer!

As for the rest of the summer, I've really enjoyed these zinnias that are doing crazy well in our mailbox flower bed...

And Sawyer finished up his second t-ball season...

I've been making a few of these for some nappers in the fall--

And....while I'd love to stay and chat....

I really mustache.