i can't sing. but i do.

I have a terrible singing voice. Terrible, really.  In children's choir, many moons ago, I would always try my best to sing my heart out and be assigned a solo...to no avail.  So, while I don't sing solo for any one's ears to hear, I've been known to belt a tune or two when I'm in the car or at home or whatever...and some songs, you can't sing passively, even if you have the worst voice imaginable.  I'm talking like Happy Feet quality here-- imagine:
Go ahead and skip to about 1:45 if you are time crunched...(I can't embed the video, it won't let me)
http://youtu.be/e3xDGq8vM9c


So, now that you know how talented my singing voice is, imagine me belting something out.  It isn't beautiful to the ears, by any means.

But I've been in love with a song for awhile...so I downloaded the album on itunes...and you have to hear the song (if you haven't already...and let me say this, the entire album is fantastic, so go right ahead....purchase it).  But first, you have to read the lyrics....spliced with my commentary/this post.


Yes, I said you have to.  I'm bossy.  I once read, "I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing."  So, yeah.

Your Great Name; Natalie Grant 
Lost are saved; find their way; at the sound of Your great name
           Jesus.  I mean, really-- we are rescued by Him...We are given direction through Him...
All condemned; feel no shame, at the sound of Your great name
            There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.  Even those who don't know Him, any lack of worth you feel or condemnation you feel...or whatever...that isn't the way Jesus looks upon us-- that is the way some of us, as humans-- imperfect, calloused, ugly and rude, and even sometimes inhumane, as well as hypocritical-- that is the way some PEOPLE who claim to know Christ treat others who seem to not know Him.  But that is NOT how Christ looks upon us.  He loves us...OH, how He loves us.  Some people, and certainly the devil, would have us think that we are too unloveable or whatever, but we aren't.  We aren't worthy of the love of Christ, but He looks upon us with unfathomable love.  There is no condemnation for those in Christ.  He loves us, each of us, all of us.  Without Him, we are all condemned to die, but in Him, we are freely forgiven.
Every fear; has no place; at the sound of Your great name
           Jesus saw what was coming before it got here-- no matter how big the problem, no matter how scary the circumstance, there is no fear in Christ...The name of Jesus can light the darkest of times.  I know.
The enemy; he has to leave; at the sound of Your great name
            I think this is my most favorite line of the song.  The enemy- he HAS to leave.  There is no place for doubts and fears and insecurities in my life, in your life.  If we are in Christ, we are victors.  The devil has no place and no hold on us, and I will not be submissive to the negative thoughts, behaviors, attitudes he sends my way-- because at the sound of the Name of Jesus, the devil is as weak as Christ is strong.

Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name
    Christ is worthy of my praise.  He has given more for me than I can ever give back to Him.  He is worthy of our praises, and I will write those praises, I will struggle daily to live a life of praise, and I will squawk them out of my sandpaper voice as loud as I can (but I will be polite in doing so around others.  I think Christ has a little bit more mercy upon hideous voices than our human ears do. :) )


All the weak; find their strength; at the sound of Your great name
   True. True. I know it.  I don't know how in the heck else we would still be standing after the past two years if it weren't for the supernatural strength we were given, and there is no explanation for the ability for us to still be standing, in tact, other than the grace of Jesus.
Hungry souls; receive grace; at the sound of Your great name
       People all over the world are searching, are in need, and Jesus can meet those needs, through His people, and through His grace.  Again, I know.
The fatherless; they find their rest; at the sound of Your great name
        This line is difficult for me.  It's an easy line to sing over for many of us-- many of us aren't fatherless; my dad is still living, I see him or talk to him regularly.   He helped Brandon put a new gate on our back fence recently, and I know if I have a question about that kind of stuff, or about my car, or whatever, I can call him and he can help me figure it out.  My kids can sit in his lap and read books with him, they know who he is, and they love him.  But some of us are fatherless, maybe in different ways.  I think of orphans, or kids in foster care, and how we can be used to show them literal fathers through adoption, and that is totally a way for Christ to become their eternal Father-- we can be the vessel He uses for that.  I also think of my husband, and the early loss of his father a few years ago.  He had no idea he would find himself in that position so young.  It isn't easy, even still.  There are days that are difficult.  There are days my heart breaks because my incredible father in law will never be a part of our lives on earth again.  My husband will not get to hunt with him again, and my boys will not get to hunt with him ever.  Sawyer probably won't remember him, and Ridge never even got to meet him. There is no explanation, and there is so much humanity that screams, why??? why did that happen?  I won't ever understand.   There is no way to fill that absence, but there is a Jesus who loves us through it.  We survive, because we have someone to fall to, someone who loves us through it, walks us through it, and gives us strength when we are weak and when we are totally floored by our circumstances.  Just saying His name, just calling on Jesus, brings comfort in times like these. 
Sick are healed; and the dead are raised; at the sound of Your great name
    I know.  My Ridge...he was physically saved and healing is happening in his body.  His disease could easily have taken his life-- he has lost so much blood, only to have it poured back into him through transfusions.  I can't even believe that we lived through that.  I remember telling my mom that I thought living through it would be harder than having him just be immediately better or him even being taken from this earth.  I remember feeling totally desperate.  I knew things would be okay, but I didn't know HOW- I didn't know if that meant Ridge would be okay, or if it meant we would survive, no matter if Ridge was okay or not.  I can't even try to think about what life would be like had Ridge not have survived.  Prayers for his healing were going out all over the state and much of the nation.  We used to get tons and tons of cards and letters from people we didn't even know, letting us know they were praying for Ridge.  And by the power of Christ, Ridge was spared, Ridge is doing fantastically.  But not everyone who becomes ill is healed.  And I don't think that means people aren't praying for them, I don't understand what it means, and I don't think it's fair.  But I don't get to call the shots-- I remember sitting there thinking, more than once, that I would be that mom whose child didn't live....and in the turbulent moment that was, a peace flooded me because Christ wasn't going to leave me, even if that disease took my child.  But that disease didn't take my child, and  I know it isn't fair that some children live and some children don't, and  I will never understand that....it will always disturb me.  But I am thankful to Christ that Ridge is still here. 
My father in law wasn't healed.  No matter how much we prayed and cried for him, he wasn't healed.  He was taken, quickly.  Within days.  But while he died physically, he was raised to new life.  He trusted in the great name of Jesus, and I know he is with Christ now. 
So. the sick are healed-- either they are left here with us, healed, or they are raised in death if they belong to Christ.  And both of those things are only possible by the power of Christ. 

Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name

Redeemer, My Healer, Lord Almighty
My savior, Defender, You are My King

Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name


The song is heavy. The song is beautiful.  And the power of the name of Jesus is unmatchable.  Here's a listen to the song if you want to hear it.  And it's okay if you can't sing as pretty as Natalie Grant. I can't, either. :)

i needed a map!

So here I sit...taking a break from the sewing machine and other busy-things that are getting the stink eye from me today.  You can only stare at something for so long before you just need to get away from it....something so inanimate shouldn't annoy me, but I've spent too much time with that stupid machine lately, and she is starting to wear on my nerves. So she gets a break. And I get some iced coffee.

My kitchen bar is covered in coupons...and a Homeland ad.  I fought hard for that ad....get this-- I subscribe to the paper here...on Sundays and Wednesdays. Before we were paying subscribers, we freely received a little bundle each Tuesday with some classifieds, TV show scheduling, and the weekly grocery ads.  This was convenient, because it was free.  It was convenient because the sales for our store start on Wednesday...so getting the ad on Tuesday meant I could decide what I wanted to buy the day before I went to the store (yes, there are blogs like this wonderful one that match all of that stuff up for you...but I'm too type A or something and have to always check the ads myself as well).  But getting the paper twice a week means I don't have to get up or have my husband get up super early Sunday AM to go purchase a paper so I can clip the coupons.  The nice delivery people just make sure there is a newspaper in our yard on Sundays and Wednesdays.  But once I started paying for said papers, the free packet no longer arrived.  Which meant I couldn't see the grocery ads until Wednesday morning, but by the time the paper gets here, I've already been to the grocery store.  That just wasn't going to work for me.  So....I requested the free packet anyway. On the phone, I was told that can't happen.  Via email I received no response.  So just to be safe, I also emailed our grocery store and asked if they would just mail me an ad.  Lo and behold, this past Tuesday, I had the free packet thingamabob in my driveway, just like it used to always be.  I also received a Homeland ad in the snail mail on Saturday (which is super early considering new sales start Wednesday.)  Sometimes, it pays to say something...I mean, really, I could get the packet (which most people just throw away...) for FREE before, no problem, but now that I am PAYING, I had to beg to get one of those?  Really? that makes zero sense to me.  Sigh...I got what I needed, anyway, even if it took a few calls/emails to make it happen.

So.  aside from that...I am bracing myself to get up and clean up that mess on the bar, and plan this week's school activities for the eldest child in this house, and grade some tests from my other teaching gig....

But Friday...last Friday...two days ago....here's what I was doing--

wake up.
get ready.
get children ready.
eat breakfast.
start eldest child on math and writing assignments...read a book or two after that...practice our memory verses...review the four seasons we learned about this week...count to 20 in spanish....
in between all of those things, fold laundry, change poopy diaper, clean up dishes, pack diaper bag, try not to go insane...
load children in car.  begin driving.  to somewhere i used to be able to locate as easily as I can locate my own home.  only this time, it was different.  because i hadn't been there in about 6 months.
drive drive drive, until i could see the downtown part of the city....then think, "oh crap. i don't remember which exit to take."
turn on GPS...quickly look through "recent found places" only to find what I'm looking for isn't stored there.  because I haven't been there 'recently'. 
finally locate on the GPS where I need to go, but by then most of it's coming back to me.  but it took awhile. it was probably something like riding a bike, but not as fun.
take my exit (which is all jacked up because seriously, there is so much construction going on right now....which really inconveniences me when I am driving home from teaching at night....it's late, and i just want to go home, and i can't even get on I40 to get home...sometimes.  i know, not the biggest issue in the world, but I'm allowed to find it a mild inconvenience....because that's what it is. nothing more. nothing freakout worthy. but annoying.)
arrive at parking garage of said destination....and even this feels foreign.  in my brain i'm thinking "dont' forget to stop so they can give you a parking decal thing." then i remember to myself, "oh no, you don't do that here, you just push that button and the ticket prints out."  so I do that.  and i pull to the back of the garage where we 'always park' except that we don't. because we don't go there anymore.  and it isn't until i see there are no spots back there that i realize the garage is all different. even different than it was six months ago when it was already 'different' and being reconstructed.  it's changed again. and i had driven into our area of the garage, going the completely wrong direction.  thankfully, no one was coming the RIGHT direction to hit me head on.
so i back out, find another spot, and head in, both children in tow.
we head towards the elevators. no one stops to say hi and ask how we are doing, bc no one recognizes us.  this isn't normal. except, it is.
we get on the elevator, and i don't even think about the fact i'm not holding ridge, like i 'usually' do when we are here.  he's just standing beside me, holding my hand, while we go up/stop/let someone else on/go up/stop/etc....everytime we stop he gets this weird look on his face, and i think 'how does this seem so weird to him? we've been on an elevator hundreds of times in his life.'  only, he hasn't. not really. he HAS been in one, with ME, hundreds of times.  but he hasn't been in one, WELL, and standing beside me.  and the stop start that gets some of our stomachs turning was getting him.  and scaring him, just enough that i could see it on his face.  and i was thankful.  thankful that he didn't know what that feeling was. thankful that he didn't remember.  thankful that when we finally stepped off the elevator and walked towards the clinic, because by now you have surely figured out we were going to the hospital, he didn't know anyone sitting at the desk, not because they didn't know him (although one of them was new and I'd never met her before, so of course she didn't know us either), but because he didn't remember them.  he and the eldest child found a seat and started watching Cars on the Disney Channel...when our name was called, in typical child fashion, as soon as we got to the room for him to be weighed, he begins crying hysterically, even though the nurse was one very familiar with us.  he didn't know her.  he didn't remember her.  and glory be, that boy cried and cried in fear of the doctor's office. because he doesn't go there all the time. because he isn't comfortable there.  because it isn't NORMAL.  and i let him cry and cry and i smiled the whole time.  Because THAT is okay.  THAT is normal.  I wish he felt comfortable there only because I don't want him to be afraid, not because I want to be regulars there.  So if he freaks out a little because the nurse wants him to lay down so she can measure his length (height and weight both on track, by the way)...then I will praise Jesus for that because THAT is normal.  and we don't HAVE to be normal.  But I am thankful that my feisty, fit throwing toddler showed up that day in the clinic office, not my passive, trusting, thinks living in the hospital is normal, baby.  I love him no mater who he is or where he is, but Friday...we were normal.

....And in fact, sidenote,  I cried in the parking garage, not because I was sad to be there.  I cried because I was so unbelievably grateful that we do NOT have to be there anymore.

When the nurse took us to the patient room to wait on the doctor, Ridge cried some more until she said, "i'm leaving! i'm leaving!" and as soon as she was gone, he was happy.  And as we waited, I wondered if we would have much cooperation out of Ridge once the doctor arrived...we were just there for a checkup (which is pretty much just verbal/checklist stuff), but there is some minor physical contact between dr/patient...and i wasn't sure how the feisty 2 year old would handle it. I mean, granted, this is the doctor who has seen Ridge through it all, counseled us with sound advice and listened willingly to our suggestions/thoughts/worries/ideas....the doctor that I believe God placed in the right place at just the right time.  But even though I know this, the 2 year old might not be so understanding of the man in the white coat...But you know what? When Dr. A walked in the room, the first thing Ridge did was smile and wave.   Ridge remembered Dr. A.  And maybe one day, he won't.  But maybe...in a very, very good way, he always will.

zzzzzzzzzzzzz....

I'm so tired I'm practically drooling right here at the computer.

Saturday mornings start super early now that I teach a class at 8 AM....on Saturdays. I'm not complaining-- the students are fantastic, the material is easy to teach, and I get to wear jeans.  It's just early. 

This weekend, on my agenda, is a whole lot of nothing.  I hope to get caught up on some sewing, because I never am caught up on that...and to take naps...because I do that at least 3x a week now :)....and maybe to watch some movies (at home) in the maybe-it-will-be-rainy weather.  If I can keep my eyes open long enough to read, I also would love to read as much of Radical as possible...
Sunday, church and grocery shopping are the name of the game...Did you know this Sunday is national "Back to Church" Sunday? I didn't. I just learned that this week.  So...now ya know.  Unless you knew before.

You know what I think is funny about parenting?  Is how it changes you completely and you don't even see it coming. You know a baby will totally rock your world...but last night, at 8:45, I was the only one up and doing stuff in my house.  My kids were in bed, and BDawg was in there with them.  I think he was asleep, but maybe he was just resting.  :)  And it wasn't even weird.  I mean, it is weird, to be an adult and in bed (or want to be in bed!) at 8:45 PM...but it ISN'T weird in the sense that it is uncommon...bc it is NOT uncommon-when you have kids-to want to go to bed that early...if you're me, you want to go to bed even earlier!  I thought this year would bring a couple hours each afternoon to clean up the house and do some crafty stuff while the kids napped/rested.  Nope.  Like I have already mentioned...at least 3x a week, during their nap, I take a nap.  Because I'm tired.  Because chasing my favorite 5 yr old and 2 yr old around the house all day makes me tired.  Being a parent also means that while it is super fun to go out with friends or the husband, even though both occurrences are rare, it is also just as fun to have the house all to myself for an hour...whereas before kids, why would that have been fun at all?  Kids....changing the game completely.  Love those kids (no really, I do.)

I have to go to work.  What's on your weekend agenda?

burns all the way down....

Fall-ish weather here has really gotten me in the mood for soup. Like, for every meal (minus breakfast...I'm on a greek yogurt kick there).....It's a bonus on the soup since Progresso was on sale this week and with a coupon I was able to score cans of it for about 75c each.   They won't last long with my habitual soup eating, though.  My problem is I can't wait for it to cool down a bit before I eat it.  I have to eat it right away so that my lips, my tongue, my esophagus, and my stomach are all blistered by the time I'm finished. Ridiculous.  I have no patience.  Of course, homemade soup is always better, but the same problem exists with that.  But bring on the colder weather-- it's time for chicken and noodles, chicken and dumplins, chicken/lime/cilantro soup, good ol' fashioned stew, baked potato soup, broccoli cheese soup...chicken and rice soup....gosh there are so many. my poor blistered digestive system.

In other news, we are going to try to get Ridge a flu shot this year.  We were pretty gung-ho about the flumist, which is what sawyer and I will get, but there are a couple of red flags on it for Ridge, so perhaps the flu shot is in order....We haven't done any vaccinations since he turned 1 year old, so I'm a little freaked out...In the past, vaccines have caused him to bleed. Please pray that if that happens, it will be minimal.  We have not had to STAY in the hospital in 9 months or so, and I am more than okay with that.  Ridge had a blood transfusion in March, and another in June, and that is it in the last six months.  Oh how I like this so much better than the other! That life was hard...every day it was hard. 

What else...Ridge can take his own diaper off now. That's funny...and inconvenient. I sent the kids outside to play the other day and BDawg looks out and says, "um...look out there."  and there's my naked two year old...diaper under the picnic table...he's just playing in the dirt.  He's funny. 

Sawyer's so smart (I mean, we all think that about our kids...so it's okay if I say it.  Your kid is so smart, too.).  He can write his numbers at least to 50, probably higher, I just haven't asked him to do so, yet.  He can count to 100.  He can add almost anything (as long as it doesn't require carrying a 1 or something) you ask him to, as long as you give him an example of how to do it if it's a bit trickier (like 51+23+12).  He is reading really well and spelling things by sound, even if the actual spelling isn't spot on.  We are very much the same, so time at home can be difficult, but most days it is wonderful and we get a lot accomplished.  He has started going to Wednesday night class at church, and when he came home last week he said, "that's the most fun i've had in my whole life!" :)  He is getting so big....

I gave my first exam in one of our classes this week- it was amazing how I had all of the exams graded and all grades posted/averaged in about an hour's time...the program we use is so excellent, much less work on the educator's part...and the tests graded SO quickly.  I am still not quite adjusted to a schedule of being gone two nights a week and Saturday mornings, but once I get there, it is fantastic.

I have picked up David Platt's book, Radical.  If you've read it, feel free to weigh in here...Don't spoil any of it- I'm only a couple chapters in.  But it's like kick you in the face good.  I'm sure many of you have read it or are familiar with it, but aaaaaah-- it's all about what truly following Jesus means-- and it will totally uproot your thoughts/comforts of living the American Dream.  Pretty much every page makes you want to be real, be devoted, and stop playing around.  I mean, we're talking legit stuff here.  The true cost of following Christ....something so many of us are unwilling to do even though we claim we are believers.  The dedication required would actually cause some to stop and think, logically, if it was really worth it.... you know,are you really willing to really be a follower of Christ or not if THIS (whatever THIS is) is what He asks of you?  Not just someone who says you are a follwer, but really...you aren't at all.  I mean, totally slams you in the face.  In a good way, I promise.   I don't have a lot of time to read, but this is one that I won't be able to put down....one that I even ordered on CD so my husband would "read" it too! :)  But it's another thing that "burns all the way down" like the soup....instead of through my esophagus, though, this time, straight through the very core of who we are....not just am I a good person...but am I DOING anything to show that I am WHO I say I am?  Are any of us?  I could ramble about it forever, but I'd say instead, read the book! Totally!

Well...I'm going to take a Saturday nap. yes. I am.

dream chaser? dream catcher? dream weaver? don't stop believin'? what do we call this...???

You know how when you're little, you have these dreams-- these unspoken goals...things you don't realize are, by the world's standards, unattainable for most people?  Whatever those dreams are-- I mean, for me, at one point, "livin the dream" meant I would be an aerobics instructor.


{PAUSE}

I left a big ol' pause there, because anyone who knows ME is probably STILL busting a gut on that one.


So this is most assuredly not a post about me saying I'm going to be following THAT particular long forgotten dream.  No realization like that has smacked me in the face-- I mean, that dream is from way back in the days of early morning Mousercise on the Disney channel....and Barbies in unitards and legwarmers. I mean, those were my catalysts.

But really. Let's think here for just a minute.  Dreams.  Desires.  Goals. Aspirations....we all had them.  We all probably STILL have some semblance of them.  But it is the few who actually live them out. I'm not talking about saying, "I have a home I love, and a spouse who loves me, and great kids...I'm livin' the dream."  I mean, if you are, that's fantastic-- really! It is!  But that isn't what I'm talking about.  Am I crazy to think, that deep down, in ALL of us, there is a hunger for more?  There is something MORE we are created for?  Of course you know where I stand spiritually on the issue--  the "at the root" more we all are created for can only be fulfilled in Jesus Christ...but let's talk past that-- or within that-- or I don't even know what term I'm looking for here.  I mean, after you get the spouse, get the job, get the house, get the kids, have the vehicle and the church home and the dog and the clothes and whatever because we all know the list is tragically endless...after you have all of that- and of course all of that by the grace of God... I mean, is that it?  Really?

I believe our identity is found only in Jesus Christ. I believe God to be our creator and redeemer.  I believe if all I have done in this life is accepted salvation from Jesus Christ...then my eternity is sealed.  But...we are here. On this orb right now...definitely any man's time on earth is temporary.  But Jesus promised us that he came to give us  not only life, but life abundant!  And call me crazy, but I think that encompasses more than a dream home or a great lawn or a beautiful family.  And call me crazier, but I think that could look like a lot LESS than a dream home or a great lawn or a beautiful family in the eyes of the world.  I believe our dreams, or passions, if we will be awake to them, are from the heart of God.  (because I suppose everything needs some sort of disclaimer these days, I also believe dreams that are obviously in opposition to the things of God can not possibly BE directions from God)....ANYWAY.  These passions...maybe they are small, maybe they are great.  I don't know.  But I think they are ours for the taking- for the glory of the Lord.  I see people doing such great things-- things that the "world" might call crazy.  Things like picking up what little, or lot, you have and moving to the wrong side of town, because that's where you can reach out to a family you already know, and you know they need Jesus.  You can be a tangible gospel to them, because you are right there, and you said, "I don't need this house on this side of town..I need to love these people, and I can do it better from here."  Or things like taking in children to be your own-- whether fostering or adopting-- children from the town you live in, or children from all the way across the world-- because they need saving, literally-- from lives that would be short lived, due to drug abuse around them, or starvation, or disease, or neglect.  People are doing this-- and saving lives, literally saving these children.  Not all of these people have the money to do that- but they do it anyway.  WHY?  Because we, if we are children of the Lord, are called to BE Jesus to this earth!  Not to just get up and go to work and be like everyone else.  Not to say, "well I don't feel like I need to do that, but I am doing my best to be my best at work and at home and with my family."  Well, good.  Good for you. Good for ME...but how "out there" is THAT?  I mean, ANYONE can do that!!!  And trust me, I'm pointing four fingers back at me if I'm pointing one at you at all.  This is not a blame game- this blog, often times, is my outlet, not just a place to update you on Ridge (although he is doing excellently!).  What are we DOING to make a difference in this world!?!?!  I agree that our family is our first priority as far as what God has entrusted us with-- we are to love them, to nurture them, to provide for them, to not neglect or forsake them.  We are to do that.  But is it so insane to think that we are supposed to show them how to LIVE the gospel?  I could rant this for days and days....to myself, about myself...and if most of us were honest, we could ALL rant it about ourselves...because the truth is if we look around-- those who are out there doing LITTLE things that are BIG at the same time...are few and far between.  And I'm all for being the silent blessing, the one on the sidelines...the seed planters.  So don't think I'm knocking that.  But we get ONE shot at this lifetime in THIS world.  Shouldn't we be making it count?  Not by spending as much time at the park with our kiddos or on dates with our significant other or having fun at the golf course...not that anything is wrong with ANY of that. fun is fun and it is good to have fun-- but I just don't think that's ALL that life has to offer!  We have this great big world right at our fingertips-- even within our own communities-- there are needs to be met, and why are we not meeting them?  The church, collectively, is called to be living testaments of Jesus Christ- we are to be out there BEING Jesus to a world in need....and that could mean great great things! It might mean living on the wrong side of town, or it might mean acting on that nagging you've had to start some business or ministry or whatever...or taking in that young person you heard had fallen on some hard times...or whatever....just to in turn receive a tremendous blessing.

Who knows? I don't. I'm just talking.  You don't have to listen....and if you are still here, it's okay if you don't like it.  These are just some things that have been filling the conversations in our household lately.  Once we accept the greatest gift we can be offered-- salvation in Christ...what are we gonna do with it?  Because I certainly don't think just sitting around enjoying a normal life like "everyone else" is the right answer.  I think there is more. I think we were ALL created for more.  And i think it's time we start claiming that and doing more.  More in faith- for our dreams, and for the dreams of others.  We know as believers, eternity will be incredible....and we know, as believers, that we will endure hardship here on this earth, in this world...but since we are aware of that, and we know it will happen regardless of whether we are living life like everyone else or living life incredibly....why not do great things???  Not for US....because we all know that chasing a dream for our own glory will NOT be fulfilling in the least... but for the Kingdom...for something greater and bigger than ourselves....why not do what we were created for???

I don't have a good closing sentence/wrap up/whatever.  My thoughts aren't finished.  But this post is. :)

good night!

Just a couple....

Well, idk about you, but I am growing used to, and quite fond of, the yellow and grey here on the blog.  I think we will keep it awhile.

And I hope your jaw isn't totally on the floor dropped in awe of the fact i'm posting AGAIN...twice in one week.

I don't have anything fantastico to post about.  Just a couple photos and musings...

First of all, I'm still crazy about deals and couponing.  We needed some milk anyway the other day, so running to CVS where it was only $2.99 wasn't an unreasonable request in this household. BUT I got up fast and headed over there pronto when I heard about these hair straighteners!  Don't get too fired up, they are probably all gone by now...but maybe not?? These straighteners (of which, admittedly, I need neither) are regular $30-$35ish.  They are on unmarked clearance for 75% off (so around $7-$8).  PLUS last week at CVS if you bought a conair product, you got a $5 printout (called an Extra Care Buck-- it's like credit to spend at CVS).  So if $7ish wasn't good enough on those straighteners, it was really like I paid $7, got $5 back, so one miiiight say I got them for $2.  So that's insane. I paid around $19 total for these 3 items and got back $10 in Extra Care Bucks (ECBs).  I'd say not too shabby (kinda like spending $9 for all of that).  I love love love shopping this way- we get so much, for so little!

What else... I made some coasters.  And a cute minnie mouse pillowcase dress for a big sister/little sister duo....

And... my kids are really cute.

And...Brandon's sister got married, Ridge was enamored with the idea of her wedding dress, and then he spilled water all over his wedding attire and got to boogie down semi-naked style.

He also loved the cake at the rehearsal dinner (and at the wedding...and any cake, anytime, anywhere...)....cousin Noah didn't waste time putting away the grub, either....and then they all posed on the steps for a picture (okay that was before the cake...because after the cake, Ridge looked like the ABOVE picture as well)

Aren't they all so cute?  Yes. Yes they are.


So there were a couple photos. :) Just a couple.

And here is a musing for you, if you will.  I've been reading Steven Furtick's book "Sun Stand Still" for...like...forever.  I'm a horrible reader since I have kids...no excuse or anything, I just mean I don't take/make time to read enough now that I have children. I seriously have been reading this book for probably...oh...6 months?  AWFUL of me!  But it's really good.  And I only have like 5 more pages.  Or 10.  Or is it chapters?  no no no-- pages. :)

Here is my most recent favorite excerpt:
"If all God wanted to do was get right to the happy ending, you'd be in heaven by now.  If his only intention were to make your dreams come true, he'd snap his fingers and your vision would appear out of thin air.  But that's not all God wants.  And deep down, it's not really all you want either.  You want to learn to walk by faith, not by sight.  And you can't learn that without walking through periods of complete darkness.  The apprehension and gut-level fear you'll feel in these stages may make you turn back and pursue something safer....Or you can opt for something better.  You can embrace the process with audacious faith.  Because every big dream has small beginnings.  Between the promise and the payoff, there's always a process. And that process is a breeding ground of faith.  That process has the potential to draw you closer to Jesus than you've ever been before.......The.Process.Is.The.Point."-- Steven Furtick (except I added some emphasis right there at the end...I think my process allows me that creative entitlement).

So. Yeah. Do I even need to say anything else? No. But because by now you obviously know I can blab my mouth forever, I will.  We've gone through quite a process.  So have many, if not all of you. Sure our stories are different.  But Bdawg and I were talking the other night on the way to my mom and dad's for dinner (to which my oldest child said, "Golly you guys have talked the WHOLE way here.  Can you just STOP talking?"-- you know, because we get to have a conversation so often and all. :)  Anyway, we were talking about how weird it is now.  How a year ago, our life was totally different, and how we still feel like we are on rubber legs.  I said I don't know if things ever will really feel normal again. I don't know if they ever CAN.  I have NO idea how we would EVER go back to the dark time we have lived through.  I don't know if I could make it.  I don't know if I could do it again. Although, deep down, I know you are always given the grace to withstand much more than you think you can.  But while dark times (can) cause us to question God, pray with a vengeance, be angry, be afraid, rise up in faith, cry until we literally have no tears it seems....they often are exited with a new sense of calm.  A new sense of purpose.  And while your faith may be strengthened, and your awe of the hand of God may be new and just too big for you to wrap your brain around....you may also still feel afraid.  And still question why.  and still have shaky legs because what was normal before can never even BE again because of what HAS been SINCE then.  You have been shaped.  You have been held.  You have been loved.  But you have also been scarred.  And scars don't just disappear...they are reminders of the discomfort we have felt at one time.  Like the scar on my knee- I know it's from throwing a fit and rolling over onto the scissors in fourth grade when my mom wouldn't help me on a project bc I was being a brat.  And the scar on my chin, I got that one from being an idiot and twisting my bike's handlebars back and forth and i fell right onto the asphalt road....my sister had all the courtesy in the world to just laugh at me, and all i was worried about was if I looked ugly or not.  I remember all the blood and i remember seeing the stitches' thread being pulled/laced whatever through my chin....i remember busting the stitches open again on the playground, but thankfully no major catastrophe resulted from that.  I have a scar on my ankle from being out at the farm with my Nana...she told me to crawl through this barbed wire fence, and I said I couldn't fit...she did it, so she assumed I could. I'm not athletic or coordinated in the least sense of the word.  So, I ripped open my ankle on the wire.  She said it'd be fine.  And it was, but there was a lot of blood and there's a nice big ol' scar there now.  Stretchmarks.  Reminders of the lives that have lived inside of me, and the pieces of my heart that now walk around my house every day.  Scars.  They are reminders.  They are tough.  They can be ugly.  But they are earned.  Accidentally, sometimes with no warning.  Sometimes they aren't fair. And sometimes they hurt.  And even if it's just a little scar on a finger from where the cat scratched you at one time, it's still a scar...it tells a story...and it leaves your body different than it was before that incident.  Scars.  We definitely earned a few in this household over the last couple of years.  And I think that they have changed us.  And that's okay.  We can't be the same.  What was normal, will never be normal to us again.  I don't even REMEMBER what our life was like when things were "normal."  I didn't know that'd ever be gone from us.  But it is.  And I guess I thought we'd always get it back one day...but we won't.  Because even if on the surface everything were identical- if I were back to full time work, if my kids were in school/daycare...if Ridge never needed blood and could take antibiotics when he was sick, etc....even if we had EVERYTHING we had before, we still have these scars from the road we've been on.  And that changes your perspective.  Some things matter more now, and some things matter so much less.

Scars....we all have them.  At least a couple.  They are there for a reason...whether we choose to remember the story they tell and do something about it or ignore them and try to live in spite of them...well, that's our decision.  For me, they are too deep to ignore.  I know we will adjust to a normal again, but it won't ever be like before.  And that's okay.  Because the process...that same process that gives you those scars...it's the point.

what? WHAAAAT?!?!?! yes. it's fine.

Howdy, world. 

First thing's first.  I wanted to change the background of the blog. Somehow, when messing with all that, I messed some stuff up. So welcome to the new view-- I hope you like it and can navigate okay, because I'm way too exhausted to try to figure out exaaaaactly how to put it back the way it was.  It's pretty close, though, so most of you should be fine. :) 

Any of you more tech savvy people out there know much about tumblr?  I have half a mind to switch over to blogging that way, since I have this account and I'm semi-hooked on pinterest....am I speaking english?  To some of you, no.  :) That's okay too.  But I only have half a mind to switch because I don't understand how it works with the other half of my mind.  So...geniuses who read this- inform me, please.


What else, what else...oh, I know.  Two new things.  If my eyes stay open long enough to type them (and it's only 2:50 PM...but lately, I find myself getting up around 7 or 730 AM one day, but not going to bed until around 1am, which puts me already into the next day.  I need to get more sleep_....ANYWAY.

1. I start my new job Monday!   I will be teaching night classes at OCCC (and a Saturday class because I'm sort of insane).  I am really excited. The math department is so nice-- meaning the people...but the department itself/it's features are also incredibly nice!  I am super excited.  The enrollment is incredibly high and over half of their classes, especially the math classes at the level I will be teaching, are covered by adjunct professors.  We had new adjunct training this week and the VP of Academic Affairs was fantastic and letting us know how appreciated the adjunct faculty is.  Anyway, it didn't take long for me to realize I was in a very, very good place!  I have met both of my partners (we team teach the courses I am working in....goes a little something like this: each class session, we have FOUR small classes: a large group, a computer lab time, a small group, and another large group session. In large groups, lectures are given.  I will lecture sometimes -- I will have my students as well as my partner's students in there.  The times I do not lecture, my partner will.  During small group/computer, I will only have MY students, and we will work on homework and some visual applications to the day's concepts). I am totally excited.  Overwhelmed.  But excited.  Both of my partners are fantastic, and are going to be wonderful to work with.

2. I bought school supplies.  And a backpack.  And new clothes. For my 5 year old. To go to Kindergarten.  We were all geared up for it.  Or at least prepared.  But neither Brandon or I felt right about it.  Not because we think school is bad or wrong or whatever, because that's asinine.  And not because we aren't ready for S to be a big kid- although who is ready for that kind of stuff?  But that had nothing to do with it...because he's a big kid no matter where I put him.  But something just wasn't right about it. And you can't just ignore those promptings in  your spirit.  So we piddled around about whether we were just going to go ahead and send him to school, where we knew he'd learn a lot and have fun and do just fine (even though he does know all of the math and reading/writing PASS skills already)....or if we'd just keep him home, and reinforce what we learned last year, as well as throw in the social studies/science/music/PE (if you know me, you are probably laughing at that one)/health and safety type subject areas.  I'm not a procrastinator.  But it wasn't until the day before school started that we actually decided to keep Sawyer home.  Which meant, I had all my resources from LAST year, but zero for THIS year.  So...we loaded up and went to Mardel and bought what we could decide on for sure, and I ordered the rest on line. So initially we will be winging it.  More details in a bit, but let's all stop and take a knee for a second. :)  Here's what you can pray for us this year, if you want something to pray for us about other than Ridge (please, keep praying for him! He's doing fantastic!) Pray that I will remember that even though Sawyer is just like me, he is also just like his dad.  He would rather learn by being told and just sit there and read/write/reproduce something (ME) than by having fun/playing a game/etc. (BDAWG).  This sounds fabulous, because I can easily find papers to go over/help him do...but as a teacher, I want to DO activities with him, and his brain isn't geared as much that way as his daddy's is. HOWEVER.  He....knows....how.....to.....taaaaaaaaake.....hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis......sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.....tiiiiiiime.  No rushing that kid.  What should take a few minutes, takes 30 minutes.  He just isn't in a hurry.  THAT is his daddy...it'll get done when it gets done.  And I can appreciate that attitude, it is the total opposite of me.  But it makes it difficult trying to accomplish daily goals in school if you want to take forever on a short project.  And I'm a finisher. I always have too many irons in the fire. It's just how I am.  So anyway, project meet in the middle (except really I will walk farther...willingly) is underway.


I have oodles of things I want to say about this decision to homeschool, because I know what some people say (or don't) and think about people who decide to school from home.  But I will just keep it at this: this is what we-- BDawg and myself-- felt right about.  I didn't want to send my child to school just because culturally that is what we "do" when they are 5 years old.  That's a stupid reason to do something.  What started out as a "have to" in our brains because of avoiding illness (which we still would like to do) has grown into a "want to."  I'm home anyway.  My child is my responsibility.  If I were working, I wouldn't even think about this as an option- I'd send him straight to Kindergarten because that's what people do.  But I have time and freedom to sit back and think about what do we really want to do?  Do I want to commit to this? Because it IS a commitment.  I am responsible for making sure my child learns as much (and even MORE than) what he'd learn in public school (and we have FANTASTIC public schools.  please do not misconstrue what I am saying...this is a FAN of public schools here).  I have to read over the PASS skills. I have to make sure I have all the curriculum/resources/activities I need. I have to be the one to make sure my child is interacting with others (he will be- at church. at birthday parties. at regularly scheduled homeschool craft times at Chick Fil A).  Keeping him home isn't a ticket to just not have to take him to school, or to have a helper around the house.  It is a responsibility that I never knew I wanted.  And it is not easy for me.  It is a challenge.  It is going to take practice.  My laundry room is going to become my best friend for awhile-- it is where I go to breathe some big time prayers when coloring an elephant's trunk takes S as long as it would take me to prove the Theory of Relativity (ok...exaggeration...yes).  But we will get over the initial newness and have a terrific year, if I have anything to do with  it.   And I will.
So that's a teeeeeeny glimpse of our brains at work-- I'm sure I'll share more at another time.  Because you asked, and all. :)

Hope all of those who started a new school year-- teachers/students/administrators/parents of little ones who just started school-- are enjoying it so far (or I hope you DO enjoy it if you're lucky enough to still be enjoying a bit of summer break!). 

Here's to learning something new. Everyday.   And living a life abundant. Everyday.  And freedom in Christ. Everyday.  Cheers!

everything's late.

I haven't blogged in like two months! Terrible, terrible.  So I'm late on the blogging front.  Two years after Ridge was born (i.e. this summer) we took a vacation to Dallas (we didn't want to venture toooooo far yet).  So that was late-- only because other circumstances prevented us from vacationing.  I can't seem to get anything accomplished around the house or anywhere else, so that's ALL late. 

So I had to start somewhere.  First we went on the vacation. Now I'll get a blog post finished.  Then I can feel like I'm a super accomplished rockstar human being.

Okay. Dallas was super fun. We started out our trip with a stop over at Turner Falls to split the driving up just a bit.






From there, we headed to the Great Wolf Lodge, where fun was had by all of us!

 

From the GWL we headed to another hotel after two days/one night there ($$$!!!!)

At that hotel, the boys enjoyed snuggling in the same bed with their new GWL stuffed animals...chasing each other up and down the hall....and from there, we left for a day of shopping at Grapevine Mills  (including lunch at the Rainforest Cafe), followed by a day of shopping at Cabelas and an evening of a Rangers game where not only did they win, but the boys (all 3 of them!) were able to get an autograph from the Rangers coach.  It was fun. And hot.
 

On our last day in Dallas, we met dear friends for lunch and a good time was had by all (including our  bellies!)

The end!  We had a great trip, the boys did well, and it was so wonderful feeling like we could go and do those things-- we have not been able to, or felt able to, in two years!


And in addition to all of that-- five weeks ago, Ridge had a lab, his hgb was good: 11.5.  Two weeks later, it was even better (no transfusion) 11.8.  This week, he hasn't had a lab, but I checked his hemoglobin-- 12.7!!!  We are so thankful that he is continuing to do so well (even if he is covered in a nasty rash bc he's had Fifth's Disease...again.  and even if he is fighting an awful lot with his brother, which is why I will  be saying TTYL for now!)

Everyone have a great day!

half a decade

Five years ago tomorrow, our world completely changed.  You don't think having a baby will be that big of a deal- I mean, you KNOW it's a big deal, but going from a couple to a couple with a baby doesn't really seem like that big of a transition- everyone does it.  I don't remember anyone telling me to savor those moments before kids got here-- not because the moments after kids are bad, but because they are different, and one on one time for even just a conversation with your spouse becomes sort of....rare.  I don't know if I would've listened to them anyway, even if someone had told me that.  Because you just aren't expecting the change that comes your way.    But I'm lovin those people who take those "Babymoon"s because THAT is the way to go...send out your last bit of time as just the two of you in styyyyle.  Anyway, five years ago, after three years of marriage (almost), our duo became a trio when Sawyer Miles was born.

I wasn't really progressing any in labor, and Sawyer was kind of large it seemed, and since it was my first baby and we weren't sure how labor would go, we went in a year ago tonight and began paperwork and some preliminary stuff for an induction.  The nurse was generous to say I was dilated to even a 1/2 cm, bc I was not budging at all.  The medication they gave me that night caused contractions, so I was taken off of it, and just slept the night in the hospital. The morning of June 9th, we began the induction, and for all the gripe some people have about it, mine was perfect.  I got my epidural early, I was progressing okay but not super rapidly, so the doctor broke my water, things started to move super quickly, the doctor came in just as I was about to have to push.  And then, one or two pushes later, we had an 8 lb 14 oz baby boy.  I don't like it when people say babies are perfect, bc really no one is, and it kinda tears at my heart a bit because if some babies are called perfect, that means some are thought to be imperfect, and having a child that some of the world views as "broken" is not something I like knowing about first hand...so I will not say Sawyer was perfect-- but he was spectacular...he was splendid....he was gorgeous....and he was fat...that's for sure.  It was love at first sight.  We went home a few days later and began our life as 3.  Sawyer was a pretty good baby, slept okay, nursed like a champ, wasn't really fussy very often at all.  And as he grew, he had the hugest, bluest eyes.  What a charmer, that kid.

Fast forward a few years later...skipping over the milestones like first teeth, first haircut, first word (okay, we shouldn't skip that one- his first word was NO.  I knew a strong willed child was in our future from that moment on), first time to eat an enchilada out of the trash, first time to unroll all the toilet paper and shove it all  in the toilet, first time to mess up people's names (Garret=A-yo, Binet'= Mae, Grammy=Gibby and that one stuck), cute ramblings (goggygoggygoggy was some of our first consistent talking, whatever it meant)...all kinds of firsts.  Now we are about to have a 5 year old.  And in celebration of all things Sawyer, here is my birthday letter to him.

Dear Sawyer:
Before you were born, I knew I loved you. I just didn't know how much.  I guess I still don't know how much.  You melted my heart as soon as I set eyes on you--I knew for nine months you were coming, but I couldn't fathom that moment of them laying you on my chest-- me actually meeting you, face to face, a real live little tiny human being!  Oh how proud your daddy and I were (and are!) of you.  Most definitely you were one of the cutest babies ever, and how blessed we are to have been chosen to be your parents!  I can guarantee no one has made us laugh as much as you have-- you say the funniest things.  You are also so caring and loving towards your brother, and usually towards your dad and I :).  I am so proud of how you help take care of Ridge and how you love on him every day.  You are also a great helper-- you usually do what you are asked and are now big enough to help with chores around the house.  I appreciate your willing heart.  You have a questioning spirit right now-- you want to know things that I don't always have the answer to...you take things very literally even when they aren't meant that way-- it is innocent, it is funny, and it is one of the things I love about you!  The last two years of your life have been difficult, not by your own choosing.  When I look at your brother, I realize that when he was born, you were only about 8 or 9 months older than he is today.  I can't believe that time flies that quickly, even in adversity.  I can't believe you were that small when so much heaviness hit our hearts.  I am so thankful that things are better now.  I am thankful that you were young enough that hopefully most of this will be a distant memory soon, if even that.  There truly are no words to say for how much we love you-- you are our firstborn, you completely changed our lives-- you changed our priorities, you brought us more love and laughter, you taught us how to operate on less sleep, you brightened our lives in a way we could never have expected.  You are by far one of God's greatest blessings in our life.  I am so proud of you for being a strong learner-- willing to ask questions, being able to read and spell and add and memorize.  I am proud of you for being a helper. I am proud of you for being a friend to your brother.  I am proud of you for learning to ride your bike! and learning to make your bed!!!  You are such a fun friend to have, and your loyalty runs deep.  You come by your independence honestly, and that is a quality I am okay with.  I pray you will always be willing to learn, that you will stick to what you know is right, that you will always be compassionate and a friend to those in need of one, and that you will be willing to be molded into the person God has created you to be. I know you are destined for greatness, and I can not wait to continue watching you grow.  I love you with all my heart, my handsome blue eyed boy!

Shout out for NOT getting sick! The best defense....

Okay so I have to share this for those of you who have not heard of it-- which is probably most of you, because I JUST learned about it and I'm a germaphobe!

Knowing the parents that read this blog, as well as many of the teachers that do so, I think this is a noteworthy short post.

Recently, randomly, by chance or some act of God :), I discovered Prefense.  I will disclaim here-- I'm not being paid, at all, to write this.  There is a small chance I might win some hand sanitizing wipes, but I'm bankin that my odds aren't great there- I'm really just sharing bc I think it's worth sharing!

So what is Prefense?  Basically, short version-- it is a silica based hand sanitizing foam product available in a 640 pump bottle or a 120 pump bottle, and now, also hand sanitizing wipes!  What does it do?  It creates a germ busting barrier on your skin that lasts for up to 24 hours or up to 10 hand washings/sanitizings.  This means you only use it once a day.  It is all natural and non toxic should your kids, um, eat it.  Because you only apply it once daily, I would have to assume it does not crack the skin as badly as repeatedly using alcohol based sanitizers (which is what I have used till now....I just got my shipment of Prefense products, which I ordered from their online store, http://www.prefense.com/products/, a week or so ago.  Because it is non-toxic, if you so choose, you can also apply it to the nose/mouth areas for 24 hour protection of germs there....

Price wise, I am a tightwad, so it was a bit of a stretch for me to purchase until I did the math.  A small bottle of it (very small...but lasts 120 pumps) is around $7.  In our family, we easily go through an economy size of alcohol based sanitizer in a month.  This varies from $4.50-$7 depending on where I'm shopping for it.  And that lasts 3 of us a month- B is always at work, so he uses sanitizer there.  Prefense would last all four of us a month, bc one pump a day is enough to last ALL day.  So it doesn't cost any more.  The 640 pump bottle is $17.  If we do the math as 120 pumps lasts 1 month, 640 would last a little over 5 months, right?  Which means you are spending about $3.50 per month, actually a little less I believe.  That's cheaper than alcohol based sanitizers.  Prefense breaks it down to about 6 cents a day.  You use it once a day....versus 10+ times a day for alcohol based sanitizers to be effective.

So we are totally giving it a try!  Their new hand sanitizing wipes are available at their online store, and soon will be available at their Amazon store.

I think this is totally worth a shout out- for anyone whose kids go to daycare, school, the nursery at church, mother's day out, um, even restaurants, the zoo, etc etc.  And if I were still in the classroom full time, I would totally have a bottle of it on my desk, or even one of their large wall units in my room!  If I can give my students clean hands like this ALL day long, they won't get sick as often, they won't miss as much class, and if they aren't sick, the odds of ME getting sick is smaller.  I do not see a downside to this product at all!  And remember, I'm totally not getting paid to say this- I really believe it is worth a try!

The best defense...is a strong Prefense.  (Their words, not mine! But I believe it!)

advice and dis-advice :)

While I wait on the boys to fall asleep so B Dawg and I can find a late night movie to rent on TV...I thought I'd blab a little.

Today has been delightfully uneventful...picked a few things from the garden. The boys played in their new little swimming pool.  I mopped my kitchen floor with my homemade concoction (no...not bleach and ammonia...i'm smart, remember!) and homemade swiffer pads... :)  And now I'm sitting here just waiting to veg out on the couch and watch a movie.  I'm a go-getter.  Idle hands I do not have.  So I don't take nights like this very often, and when I do, I eat all the snacks I can find and stay up as late as my eyes will stay open.

I have a lot of friends who are new moms...or moms going through things for the first time (of which I am one, since my 4 almost 5 year old is new territory every day- never raised one of those before...) and I have seen a lot of questions lately, or musings by other experienced moms or mommy blogs or whatever whatever about advice needed now, or advice you wish you would've had- or wouldn't have had... so I thought I'd compile a list here--- hopefully you will nod in agreement, or shake your head in dismay, or laugh, or whatever.  And when you're all finished reading this little diddy, you can leave a comment if you have one.  I mean, you know, if it's nice.  Because we all received that advice at one point-- if you can't say something nice.... :)

So. advice, musings, regrets, mistakes, whatever this list becomes, here it is.

1. Your offspring WILL poop in the bathtub.  Maybe not as a baby, or maybe so...but it will happen. Brace yourself. Get some latex gloves or an aquarium net...and keep some bathroom cleaner under your sink.
2. child-proof cabinet things are annoying. But if you don't have them, because they are annoying, the removal of all your cabinets' items becomes even more annoying.  In addition, everyone who comes to your house who does not have children or is not familiar with such new-fangledness as child proof latches will become incredibly frustrated trying to open your kitchen cabinet to get to the trash.  I mean, why do you need a latch on the trash cabinet?  It's not like your 1 year old is gonna open the cabinet and eat an enchilada out of the trash.
3. your one year old could possibly eat an enchilada out of the trash.  mine did.
4. You will get frustrated. You don't think you will. You might even judge those moms who do.  But you will get frustrated at some time.  I mean, you're the most awesomest person around, so you will probably hold your frustration in supremely and never yell or cry or just need to shut yourself in the laundry room with a box of zebra cakes while Jr. cries it out....but you will still get frustrated. gracefully.  or maybe not so gracefully.  that's okay.  it's super okay because if you are AWARE that you will get frustrated, YOU can lay baby down or put child in room with some toy, and step away, even if you are letting said child cry it out...because when you do get frustrated, it is good to know when you need a break. and those zebra cakes will make you feel sick later, and might even make you get a little fatter, but it's worth it.  just make sure you say grace before you eat each one.
5. you don't know everything. you don't.  you might know a lot of everything by the time you have a second child, but with your first, there is no way you know everything.  neither does everyone else- even if it's your grandmother who birthed 17  children in the same day with no anesthesia.  every mom is different. so is every baby.  so take advice when it's offered, and throw it out the window if it's advice that sucks.
6. sometimes weird advice might be right...for you. even if you don't think it is/will be. like how i read of someone giving their kid goat milk and i thought they were the wackiest people ever until i met someone else who had to give her kid that, and then someone else...and then i realized that even though i'd been giving my kid cow milk like a normal mom, so much better than those weird moms, he had super bad eczema that was always worse the more dairy he ate/drank.  and i had another baby, this one with a lot of medical issues, who would be doing semi-fine when he was breastfed but when it came time to switch him to another form of milk, dairy messed him up inside every time we tried it.  so even though i thought it weird, i gave it a whirl- the goat milk, that is.  and it's worked beautifully in my son.  so even if someone tells you something and you think "that's stupid. she's weird."  you better smack yourself in the mouth, because you might just be wrong, and you might need the weirdos advice one day.
7. you don't have to do what everyone tells you. in fact, don't.  but tuck it away in a file-- figuratively...or literally if you are THAT type-A.  but maybe you might need that goat milk advice.  or maybe you might need to talk to that mom who is educated about vaccines. or maybe that strange sounding website that weird mom at the park told you about might have exactly what you are looking for.  or maybe jane from down the street planned a super cool birthday party on a tight budget and you wanna know where to score those awesome party favors.  don't be afraid to ask, and don't be too rude to listen with an open mind.
8. you are the parent. your baby can't talk. it can cry. it can laugh, sometimes. it can pee, poop, burp, and pass gas with the best of em.  but you gotta know your stuff.  you are the advocate.  i don't just mean you get to do whatever you want, no matter what hippie mom down the road tells you.  i mean, i guess you DO...but i am saying- you call the shots.  this puts a HUGE ball in your court.  you HAVE to know your stuff.  and all that random advice people give you, that's part of your stuff.  no one knows everything. not the lady down the street, not your coworker, not you, and not even your doctor.  so ask questions- especially at the doctor.  don't take the first random thing you are told as gospel truth- if the only thing wrong with your kid is that she has a red dot on her leg, even if the dr told you it was chicken pox, you might not believe the doctor.  if the only thing wrong with your kid is a fever, if the doctor says it's a virus but you think it's something else, you have the right to ask-- you're paying the copay!  you can have the doctor look at the ears...the throat...the whatever. you're the boss.  yeah, you don't have 50 years of medical school under your belt, so you gotta bow the knee a little bit, i mean, they ARE the doctor.  But they aren't God. They aren't psychic. They can't see through flesh.  Just because they SAY something doesn't make it true!  We've been misdiagnosed-- humongously but also on smaller scales. "no it isn't strep throat, it's a virus."  oook.  a week later my kid is still feeling bad, still having fever, tonsils swollen to kingdom come, can't talk normally..."it's just a virus."  3 days later, still no better.  antibiotics given...and within 24 hours, normal child is back. coincidence? maybe.  maybe not.  YOU are the advocate.  love your doctor. give them respect. appreciate the knowledge they have. But don't take it like you're stupid and they're smart.  YOU'RE smart.  and your kid can't tell you what's going on, so BE persistent.  If I could harp on one thing, this would be it!  I can't TELL you how many times I have known something specific is wrong with one of my kids and have been told- not by one doctor, but multiple- that nothing was wrong, or it would pass in a few days, etc....and then a week later, we return to get the diagnosis i suspected in the FIRST place. And I can't even count how many other parents have told me "oh it's just this" and then "just this" becomes something else.  And it isn't the parents' fault. It isn't the doctor's fault. Just be educated. Don't take things at face value JUST bc of someone's degree status.  *disclaimer here- i am NOT anti doctor. I love our doctors. All 23875976387456 of them. i am PRO-parental education and advocacy. And as far as I know, so are ALL of our doctors.  so SPEAK UP, mommas and daddies!  YOU are your child's voice. YOU!
9. Breastfeeding isn't easy. It isn't sunshine and roses and constant cuddles.  It is going from a tiny chested individual to dolly parton with your first baby and figuring out how to get comfortable with that engorgement and figuring out how to work a fandangled contraption called a breastpump...and is that kid latching on right?  WHAT? I can't have ANY milk at all bc it's making my kid's belly hurt (this was my case, with BOTH children).  Heck no, I'm having my ice cream!  And then I'm paying for it being up all night with a baby arching his back in pain. Nope, no dairy for me.  But it is worth every effort you put forth- it is FREE, it IS better for your kids than formula, and unless there is some physical reason or medical reason you CAN NOT do it, it is totally worth the effort. I know there are exceptions to EVERYTHING, so don't take this personally- your situation might be an exception. That's fine. But in the average jane person, breastfeeding does not go splendidly at first.  Baby might latch on, baby might not. You might need some weird nipple shield.  You might have to pump.  Don't listen when people tell you you aren't making enough milk, especially at the very first, when your baby is brand new.  What you ARE making is what that baby needs. I know that's a lot in one paragraph and I didn't even camp out near as much as I want. You find someone who is supportive and knowledgeable about breastfeeding if that's what you choose to do with your baby...find a friend, a LaLeche leader, a Lactation Consultant...and you ask all the questions you can think of. And don't listen to the naysayers.  As with anything new, it is difficult at first. It takes awhile to get used to it, but then it is second nature, even with all the hoops some of us have to jump through.  Promise....I made it 12 months with my first baby and 18 with my second. (again, no one get their panties in a wad- i KNOW there are exceptions).
10. Keep pens and permanent markers out of reach- your couch will either look like a Pollock original or your child will have a Hitler moustache.  And kids are really good at finding stuff, so you know...hide things somewhere super duper good- out of reach...or you know, in those child safety latch cabinets.
11. kids give the best hugs and the sweetest kisses, and if they are your kids, take all that lovin you can get.
12. children draw really funny pictures and if you need a laugh, give your 4 year old a crayon and some paper and tell them to get to work.
13. unless you are wonderwoman (and i know a few who are!)-- your body might never look as good post baby as pre baby.  i know this can seem like an excuse for laziness, but i don't mean it as one.  sure, get up and dance, go to the gym, lift some weights, do some cardio...get in shape- you owe your kids that. so do i.  but you don't have to look like Barbie...remember what usually happens to Barbie anyway- she gets her hair cut off in some awful chop job by a 3 year old.  hot? i think not.
14. sleep when the baby sleeps.   work fast and furiously when the baby sleeps. sleep when the baby sleeps. or don't. do what you have to do. if you wake up from a drool producing deep sleep, buried in a pile of laundry you can swear you already folded...well, that's okay too.  babies make you tired.  and they create a lot of laundry.  you know...just do what you gotta do.
15. have fun! you don't have to be june cleaver, and i hope you aren't peg bundy, but YOU are the mom (or dad) God gave to the child He gave YOU.  yes, you're gonna get frustrated.  yes, you're going to mess up sometimes.  make it right when you do that.  make playdoh with your kids sometimes. bake cookies.  let them help.  when you've had too much, go out for a night with a friend- THAT is important and FAR too many people are unsupportive of stuff like that. You deserve that.  And when you come home and find your prince(s) or princess(es) tucked in bed, fast asleep, kiss them on their sweet foreheads and breathe in that life, that youth, that innocence, that is just beaming out of them!

movie time. I could keep going, but I'll give you a turn!!!

terribly busy, no blogging, thoughts, ramblings...

Well, considering the blogging front is dwindling at my fingertips (my blogging front, anyway), I figured it was time for some updates.  Thankfully, there isn't a lot to report!  We are still doing well- Ridge has been transfusion free for the past 9 and a half weeks-- holla! He's the sweetest boy around, kissing everything in sight-- momma, daddy, brother, the dishwasher, the bathtub, you know, just whatever.  It's hilarious. He is sort of learning to run, which is quite funny because he throws his arms behind him and then just stomps really rapid-fire.  He has learned to stick out his tongue, so he thinks...but really he is just opening his mouth really big.  It's hilarious. Every single time.

Allergies are kicking our tails right now.  The oldest child is all puffy eyed and congested, while the youngest is all faucet- nosed.  yucko.  But everyone seems to feel okay, which is good, because as an allergy sufferer myself, I know how bad allergies can make one feel at times.

What else is new? Oh, yeah..I have a job!  I will be teaching two developmental math courses in the fall at a local community college!  I am nervous and excited, and so thankful for the opportunity that presented itself through a friend. I totally consider this an open door provided by the Lord.  So...it's new, it's scary, but I think i'm really going to like it-- it won't change our schedule much at all, and I will get to be back in a classroom.

Other than that, no big news to report here.  In light of the new job, I have really been thinking back on the last two years and how much the Lord has done for us.  I mean, two years ago, I had to leave my job because of circumstances.  It was a tough decision but an obvious one.  I didn't have to battle internally over what I would do, I knew what I had to do, even if I didn't want to.  Things got really bad with baby and we were clinging to faith that seemed impossibly small.  And...God came through.  In spite of our small faith.  Because it isn't about us.  And things stayed difficult for kind of a long time.  And things still aren't normal.  But gradually, things got more normal, and they are continuing to become more and more normal.  And I am often reminded of that.  Of the times we have been brought through, of the promises that have been made to us by a faithful and loving God, of the lessons we have learned and are still learning, of the faith that has grown and will continue to grow.  I find it fascinating that even as adults, we don't have to/get to just be "done" with stuff.  Life keeps coming at us, and God isn't finished with us, and lessons are still learned and faith is still tested, and miracles can still happen- in us, through us, around us.  In my own life right now, I am being challenged to realize/recall/remember/learn for the first time, I don't know-- to see that in this one life that we've been given- in this one life that I've been given-- there IS something great that God wants to do not just IN me, but THROUGH me, for others, maybe for just one person, maybe for the world! I don't know.  But I know it's true for all of us who are believers-- just floating around through our life, doing everything like everyone else, blending in...well, that's weird.  That isn't how it's supposed to be!  There are GREAT things in store for us-- we have to seize them!  I am reading a book by Steven Furtick right now that reminds us of having a Joshua like faith.  Before God is going to do a "sun stand still" type of miracle, there will be challenges-- there will be obedience that is tested.  There will be difficult decisions made. THere will be things done that I/you/we may not want to do.  But that doesn't matter.  Because to walk through those things in faith will bring us out on the other side to see the glorious things God has in store for us.  And I don't want to get so caught up in the junk that's around me/us that I miss that.  And I don't think we talk about that kind of stuff enough. I don't think that living our faith is important enough to most of us.  I'm not pointing fingers- well, if I am, I'm pointing some back at me, too, anyway-- I'm just saying, it doesn't seem like faith is an integral part in our life as much as it should be. I don't want faith only when I "need" it.  Because...that isn't faith.  I don't want a genie God-- "what can He do for ME?"  That's stupid.  I don't want a generic God-- "well, I'll be prayin for ya...crossing my fingers too.  God's good!" Then turn around and forget that was ever even said, not give it another thought.  I want THE God.  You know, the one who split the Red Sea, made the sun stand still, created all the earth and space, raised the dead, turned water to wine, died and rose again- THE God.  And I don't like how we say those kind of things and then forget about them.  We shouldn't just want this on Easter, or tomorrow, or 5 times a year, or when things get tough.  Every day. Because He's the same. Every day.  And unfortunately, so are we, a lot of the time.  If I'm gonna be the same every day, I don't want to be the same as everyone else is the same!   I know I'm rambling...sometimes my thoughts go down clearly, other times I'm working them out. I'm still working this out.  How about you?
....