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wife. mom. adjunct professor. we homeschool. i'm a little bit OCD. i love math. bright colors and geometric designs make me drool. we live with a medical rarity, and Jesus saved his life. through that, Jesus is changing us. The american dream and status quo is overrated...and sometimes just plain wrong. our lives, our family, our careers, our faith are all now filtered through a new lens-- thank you Jesus. welcome to our crazy. feel free to take some of it with you, we have plenty to go around.
It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it.
-- Lena Horne

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.-- Jesus Christ

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

don't cry. or do. whatever.

If you want me to be funny, read my last post. I tried, anyway.  I don't see a lot of funny coming in this one....sometimes it sneaks through, but don't place any bets on it this time.

So.  It's a beeeeautiful day outside today.  I tried to do a little reading outside while the boys rest/nap, but the wind was a teeny bit chilly for me, because I'm becoming old.  So I came inside and opened the blinds and pretended I was outside.  I also pretended I was a lot skinnier and having fun on the beach with my friends.  Which I will actually be doing in about 4 months.  But I probably will still be pretending to be skinnier.

Anyway, I digress. I'm trying to read through the Bible in 90 days, if you've been absent from the blog for awhile. I'm failing.  I'm reading it every day, though.  And I'm all the way into the Psalms, which I suppose is pretty good considering I really did start in Genesis, on Jan. 1....yes, of this year.  So anyway, I'm really only about 10 days behind, because I just couldn't read big huge chunks of the 1sts and 2nds (You know, samuels, kings, chronicles). I couldn't do it. I'm a baby.  So I finished Job today.  And I've always liked the book of Job.  Mainly because all this bad stuff happens to Job, but he doesn't implode or become a recluse or anything.  He survives.  But there's a lot of good stuff in there.  Like how God even talks about dinosaurs (or dragons.  or big beastly things.  scholars? no, scholars aren't beastly. i'm asking their opinion. I like to think, based on a pro-dinosaurs are in the Bible-scholar I've heard speak before, that dinosaurs are what some of the beasts in Job are...) Anyway...and how Satan is weird and is just roaming the earth.  Just roaming around like he has nothing else to do...stupid. Roaming. And God asks him if he's noticed Job...Job who is ever so faithful. And Satan is like, "uh yeah. No wonder Job's so "awesome"...nothing bad has ever happened to him. like ever."  So God says, Okay. You can mess with him. I give you permission.  (that's another thing...God gave Satan the go ahead.  Because He's God. So He gets to be in charge.)  So anyway, Job loses all his children and his livestock (as in, they die.)  And other stuff. And he is sad and mourns and grieves but doesn't curse God.  And then he gets all these sores on him, but he still doesn't curse God, even though his wife tells him to.  But he does lament and wish he'd never been born.  And the his friends tell him some messed up stuff and disagree with him about everything pretty much concerning how he won't curse God.  And finally, at the very end, God is like, Hey Job.  Brace yourself like a man. I'm gonna question you and you will answer me.  Do you know how to mark off the earth's dimensions?  have you seen the gates of death? can you make the constellations do stuff?  do the lightning bolts report to you?can you capture (Behemoth, Leviathan, DINOSAURS! okay, i'm not an expert.  but these WERE some sort of gargantuan things way back in the day). ANYWAY...God's like, So. Job. Can you do any of that stuff?  And obviously, all of it is stuff GOD can do and/or has done.  And Job's like, I can't even talk to you.  I spoke once, but I don't have an answer.  I'm not saying anything else.

And towards the end, Job notes that God can do anything.  That's kind of God's point.  Yeah, Job had some really crappy stuff happen to him. REALLY ROUGH STUFF.  Hardcore, make you cry until you throw up kind of stuff.  But sometimes, that stuff happens.  God knows it's coming.  I mean, He could stop it if that were His plan, right?  But sometimes, He allows that stuff to happen.  Yes, suffering and junk just happens in the world. It's part of life.  But if God wanted to let us live a life free of suffering, He totally has the power to do that.  But He chooses not to.  I'm sure there are some ailments that could befall me that the Lord has said "Nope. That's not going to happen to her today."  I'm sure when Ridge was born, God could've made sure that the genetic weirdness inside him causing him to have MLT was obliterated. But that time, he allowed that hardship to go through.  He had a plan. He knew what was on the other side.  He knew that with Job, too.  At the end of Job, in the epilogue, we read, "The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the former part."

Amen.  Sure, Job never got his kids back, and he lost all those animals and servants...but the Lord did bless him with more kids (I'm not saying there wasn't still heartache and loss from all the stuff that came his way previously. There was.  Heartache doesn't just go away, I know that. I'm not being insensitive.  Unless I'm being insensitive to myself, because clearly we've lived through some junk.)...Anyway, really really really hard things happen. And they make us really really really hurt. And we cry until we don't think we can breathe.  And we are sad. And we are angry at times. And we don't know who to even talk to because who could possibly really understand?  But at some point, the hardship is over.  It may not end how we want it to, but it does end. eventually.  And for those of us who have lived through the hardest time of our life so far, and are now seemingly on the other side...and who have new struggles because of those previous hardships...and who still have days filled with tears.....for those of us who have walked through that darkness, but seen the hand of God at work in the midst of that...for us...for me...I can say, "The Lord has blessed the latter part of the Carys life more than the former part."

There are hard days.  There are days we have obstacles to overcome that didn't exist before our struggles with Ridge's health.  But there is no greater truth for me at this moment in my life than the truth that the Lord has done and is doing a mighty mighty work in our lives BECAUSE of that dark time we lived through.  Every day is a gift!

Monday, February 13, 2012

date weekend!

We don't have a lot of date nights, as far as getting fixed up and going out goes, around here.  We might watch a movie after the kids go to bed once a week or so...I mean, we really live it up.  Part of this is because we have two kids.  That means asking someone to watch them-- of which we have several family and a few friend choices, so no complaints there.  But sometimes after a week with two kiddos, getting all fixed up and ready to go out just doesn't have the same appeal as it did 8, 9, 10 years ago.  heck, 5 years ago when i was halfway to gigantically pregnant.   Another part of this is because we don't budget much for entertainment....because we don't have a ton of extra to budget for that, and because honestly, there are better ways to save our money than blowing it on ourselves. But this weekend, we were able to go and do a few fun things.

Friday night, we went to dinner at Matthew Kenney in OKC...and you should try it.  Very good.  It's a raw foods restaurant, but you need to brace yourself, sushi or sushi aversion's vegetarian cuisine.  And it's fantastic.  I don't love sushi, and it has nothing to do with the taste... it is simply because the idea of raw fish gags me  (the thought of raw any kind of meat gags me).  So we headed to Matthew Kenney, because it looked unique, and I had a groupon there :). We started off with a dragon roll, which was fantastic...then we had a Salsa Verde salad, also fantastic (the chips were made from roasted red good).  Then for dinner we had tortellini (me) and tamales (b).  My advice, for sure, is to get an app and/or salad before dinner, bc dinner is savory but small.  The prices are not bad at all for the caliber of restaurant (entrees max out at $12, I think).  But heck to the no when it comes to skipping dessert. DO NOT SKIP DESSERT IF YOU GO HERE.  In fact, i say get the chocolate ganache tart.  It is insanely delicious...with a french press of coffee on the side. Holy yummo.  Anyway, it won't be a regular stop for us, but we will definitely go back.  Unique, and tasty, and you don't leave hungry.  Plus everything is organic and nothing is cooked past 180 degrees, if cooked at all, so it's all really healthy!  So good.  But we can't go back anytime too soon. Not just bc we are out of fun money for the month...but because of what happened at the end (THANKFULLY) of our dinner.  BDawg had paid out...and was waiting at the table with my stuff while I went to the restroom.  As I entered the corridor housing the restrooms, our waiter was standing at the bar, and he saw me coming, so he politely opened the door to the restroom for me (they are those one room bathrooms, you know, you have it all to yourself, the way a bathroom should be).  I thought, "that's so nice of him!"  Until I walked in and thought, "Is this some sort of joke?  A prank??"  Because there, in front of me, sat a chef. On the toilet.  You know, going potty.  A girl younger than myself, and hopefully not reading this, and if she is, I'm here to say, I'M SO SORRY AND IT TOTALLY WAS NOT MY FAULT!!!  But I couldn't say that.  I was flabbergasted.  I just stood there like an idiot.  Thinking, "this has to be some sort of joke??? right?"  but the sweet girl just looked up at me in one of the  most vulnerable positions in which one can be seen,  and said, "oh. i'm sorry."  so i turned around, walked out, and our waiter opened another bathroom door for me...and i turned to him and said, "well now.  that was awkward. for everyone."  and then I shut the bathroom door. locked it, and triple checked to make sure it was locked, and texted my husband to get to the car right now...i could not face walking back to the table where i would have to see that chef again (because the restaurant is open kitchen and you can see the chefs preparing your food).... Anyway...yeah.   To that poor girl...I'm sorry. And I bet she never ever ever forgets to double check the lock ever ever ever again.

Then we went to see a late showing of "The Vow" at Yukon's old ghetto-fabulous movie theater.  We have a newer theater, but it wasn't showing that movie, and we knew it'd be mega crowded at the OKC theaters, and cost more anyway (remember. budget, people.)  And in serious, this theater is older...and kinda dirty  (the seats are supposed to be blue, i think, but mainly they look brown)...but I'm not dissing it, because we've been there on several occasions and my husband or I one always know one of the students working, and the staff is super duper friendly, and the prices are not sky high, and we don't care about high tech stuff, and I like small towny it's a winner in our books.  Anyway, ...we were able to watch the movie in a theater that only had about half capacity....and I told God he doesn't ever have to give me a teenage daughter if he doesn't want to, because the 37 of them in the theater were enough to make me about come unglued.  I mean, you can't deny the attractiveness of Channing Tatum, but if they could just keep the giggles and sighs to themselves, that'd be great.  Thanks, girls.  And whichever one of you thought it was cool to leave your phone on, not on vibrate,  but full out turned up, and then let it ring for what seemed like 5 minutes before silencing it to answer it, well, I want to tell you, thank you.  And I want to say, these girls are at every movie in every theater in the United States of America.  And they always get on my nerves. And then I imagine buying their mom a cup of coffee or glass of wine, because if I were living with that every day.... I'd love it to pieces, I know.  I was the most lovable teenage daughter known in history. Mark my words. A perfect angel.  I never did anything remotely exasperating. Ever. Not once.  Ever ever ever ever ever.  No, really.  I still have a halo...somewhere.  But anyway, yeah...big ol' thanks to them for making my movie going experience extra special.  You know when they didn't sigh or swoon aloud?  You know what moment I got to smile to myself?  A moment they would never in a billion years understand in their premium youth...the moment when I saw the "other" guy in the movie.  Scott Speedman.  As in, Ben, from Felicity.  As in, way before your time, chickadees.  But not before mine.  So swoon over Channing Tatum.  Swoon away.  But I will let my husband just make fun of me for the look on my face when I said, "You know who that is?!?! That's ben, from felicity!!!"  and then all those teenagers told me to shut up with my swooning. shhhhhhhhhhhh.  okay. they didn't.  but i uttered some SHHHHs to them.  yes. i'm that person.

So that ended our Friday night. 

Saturday morning I made breakfast, then B ran some errands while I worked on some craft things.  Then we got ready and headed to Thackerville, OK.  It sounds small, right?  Yeah. It is.  But you know what they have there that's super big?  I wouldn't know this on a typical day, so I assume many of you do not.  But they have the WinStar World Casino.  It's enormous, and looks like all these different areas of the world outside-- London, Beijing, um, lots of places. It's beautiful. Outside.  We aren't casino goers- sorry to any of you who are-- I don't know how people do that.  First of all, I was never aware that many people still smoke in the nation.  I think maybe  everyone who smokes was all there that day.  I mean. wow.  Second of all, and I'm sure this is because we aren't acclimated to the environment, but we just didn't "get" it.  WAIT- before I go on, we were not there for the casino experience-- we were there for a concert.  Anyway, we just didn't "get it"...Brandon said, "it's like grown ups...sitting in front of a video game all day?" Yeah, totally didn't get it.  But we were there for a concert that my husband has been hoping he'd get to go to one day, for as long as I've known him.  It just happened to be 2 hours away from our house in the prettiest smoke joint you've seen.  ALABAMA.  Not the state, because clearly i already said we were in thackerville, Oklahoma.  Alabama, the band.  Anyway, it was a good time, and we came home with a little jingle still in our pockets.  That means money, if you don't get the reference....which means you don't listen to alabama.  what's wrong with you?

Anyway, good weekend.  Dinner where I got to see another adult using the bathroom.  Movie where I decided swoon worthy actors' movies should only be shown in divisions:  mothers with their daughters (or teenage girls with a supervised adult) can view the movie at this time, teenage girls without a mother/adult can view the movie at this time, and women who are too old to swoon but do it anyway can view the movie with their friends or significant other at this time, without worrying about 13 year olds and their cell phones. (okay all you 13 year olds-- i know you're sweet girls, most of you, i'm just super sure of it!  but you know, sometimes when you get older like i am, you get kind of grouchy and set in your ways.  so, you be you. and i'll be me.  and when we aren't in the movies together, or any other public place where you are acting kind of inappropriate but you don't really know it because you're 13...well, all the times other than that, we really would be great friends, i know it.  really, i do.)...and finally, Alabama concert where I got to see first off, lots and lots of smokers.  I got to also see a line for the men's restroom longer than the women's restroom line....and I got to see that we were mostly the youngest age of people at the concert...and I got to see three men in or near their 60s showing off like they'd never stopped. 

Hope you had a good weekend, too!