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wife. mom. adjunct professor. we homeschool. i'm a little bit OCD. i love math. bright colors and geometric designs make me drool. we live with a medical rarity, and Jesus saved his life. through that, Jesus is changing us. The american dream and status quo is overrated...and sometimes just plain wrong. our lives, our family, our careers, our faith are all now filtered through a new lens-- thank you Jesus. welcome to our crazy. feel free to take some of it with you, we have plenty to go around.
It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it.
-- Lena Horne

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.-- Jesus Christ

Friday, August 10, 2012

The curtain conundrum.

Sigh.  The last 24 hours has been a teary one, y'all. 

I woke up on a Thursday morning, to discover the big giant blinds in my dining room had become injured by a 6 year old.  They wouldn't all. Total jam.  A quick googling found some tips.  So I clumsily took the 60" (that's 5', people!) blinds down from their post.  I examined the interior mechanisms, and saw a tangled up mess.  I don't think a Polly Pocket is small enough to get into the area that was all jammed up.  But I attempted to untangle the mess. About 2-3 hours later, after a lot of fussing and complaining, I had accomplished nothing...other than broken the valance clips that go to the blinds, which meant I needed to find some new ones of THOSE if I ever got my blinds fixed. 


I resigned myself to the fact that we were just going to have to replace them.  I got in the car with both kids and headed to Lowe's. Where I discovered only the pricier blinds came in the size I needed, and the color family I needed (NEEDED, y'all.  Do you hear it?  NEEDED.  In all truth, I did need some blinds, because it's hot outside.  And my OCD brain needs them to match the other blinds, or at least  coordinate.  But let's just mention for a second that I don't even LIKE these blinds).  Anyway, I look and look, and really, there are NO blinds the size of mine, except for the ones like and similar to the broken ones at my house.  And those are all pricey.  And I'm not in love with any of them.  So I can't justify that.  Plan B  (which I really kind of liked but didn't want to admit)-- make new curtains!  We have no curtains on that window, just the big wooden blinds.  And high, floor to ceiling curtains in some rockin' geometric print would look fantastic in my kitchen (which is slowly, ever slowly, getting a face lift). So...we picked up a cheap curtain rod, and headed to the fabric store.  Where I found some perfect fabric, on clearance.  It was a steal, but still expensive.  I didn't really have another option, and certainly wasn't going to find fabric for a better price than I went and had cut what I needed-- fabric, drapery lining, nine yards of each (that's a LOT)...and headed to the checkout.  $$$ for fabric.  I wasn't surprised at all, I'd done the math.  Curtain fabric is expensive, even if it is almost 70% off.  And I figured it was close in price to the blinds I would've had to buy to replace the other ones, but it was going to look SO much better.  So I was super mad about the cost, but I knew we needed a solution.  Home we came, to finish up laundry so I could prewash the fabric.

In the meantime, I called B-Dawg and blubbered my grievances over the blinds and curtains.  "It's just money.  It's okay.  God will provide." I know. I know know know. But money is tight on a single family income, even when you are doing what you know the Lord has led you to do!  And this month has brought 2 teeth cleanings for little uninsured mouths, glasses for the eyes of someone who is now 30, school supplies for this year (and starting a new homeschool program brought a lot of new curriculum for us), cavities being filled for a certain adult male in the household, a chipped tooth needing to be fixed for the littlest of littles, and a dog going under the knife to prevent procreation....quite a hefty lineup of expenses, none of which were really expected, other than school stuff.  After I got off the phone with him, he sent me a text.  It included the reference to Luke 12:13-34, which is right where we are studying in our Sunday School class.  So I knew what it said.  But I sat down, and read it through my frustrated tears.  High points (read it in its entirety, though!)

V. 15: Then He said to them, “ Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions.”

V. 29-32: 29 And do not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not keep worrying. 30 For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things. 31 But seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you. 32  Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom.

The Lord knows what I need.  He will take care of us. He will provide.  So I thanked him for that, and just asked that he would provide for us in this situation, as I have seen him do so many times before. I know to some, what I spent would not be considered much, but after ALL those other expenses, it was too much for us to feel good about this month.   So I prayed about it, and trusted that the Lord would take care of us.  Assuming that meant money would be freed up somehow, He would supply what we needed.  So... later that night, the washer was empty and I was going to wash the curtains. I was getting kind of excited because the fabric was just gorgeous.  

Enter: B-Dawg. With some blinds.  THE same blinds.  Functioning.  In a matter of minutes, he was able to fix something that I could not fix in hours (I didn't even think this was a possibility, because usually, this is not the order of events in our household . If I thought he could fix the blinds, I would've waited to buy the fabric! :) )  Instead of doing a happy dance, my heart was kind of sad.  At least I had an excuse to make some pretty curtains if the blinds were broken!  I kid you not, I was up for several hours stewing over what to do with this fabric and curtain rod.  I was CRYING over some curtains.  Ridiculous.  Because immediately, B and I both knew that the Lord had provided.  Something that was broken (even the dang valance clips! B found some spares in the garage!) was made whole again, and while there was still "want" for the curtains, there was no "need."  So...was it wrong for me to keep them and go ahead and make the curtains? My brain would not shut off.

No. It isn't wrong to have nice things (to covet them, to live for them, to store them up...yes, that's wrong).  It isn't wrong for me to have curtains in my dining room.  Gorgeous curtains.  But that wasn't the issue at hand.  The issue at hand is that we had prayed and trusted God to provide for our family.  He did.  Not at all in the way I wanted him to.  

But I know if I keep the fabric (oh, I want to keep it.  badly.) and make these curtains, I will every day walk by them and know, the Lord took care of me on that day, and I decided to go ahead and do things my way.  I trusted him, he provided, and I continued on my own path.     If I (painstakingly) return the fabric (yes, it is returnable...I looked for a loophole!) in obedience, I will walk past my ugly blinds every day, a monument to God's faithfulness.  A reminder that He will take care of me, but he will do it His way, not mine.  Because His way is ALWAYS best for me.  And so, even though I don't love them for their looks, I love the blinds hanging in my dining room, because they are a fixed reminder that the Lord does hear our prayers, and that He will do supernatural (I mean it. Those blinds were BROKEN, people, and there's no way my fabulous husband who is great at many things could ever have fixed them in 5 minutes, or at all, any other day) things to accomplish his purpose.  Because, as my dear friend said to me last night, "He cares more about my holiness than my comfort."  And oh, how I am thankful to Him for that.  He doesn't do it my way. He does it the best way.  

He will supply all of our needs, according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.  He's in control, y'all...He is sovereign, even over my decision/circumstance for those stupid ugly blinds.  He will always provide-- but He will do it His way-- anything less goes completely against His character.

So. Go hug your blinds (or whatever your issue is) today.  And thank God for taking care of you!