forgive me

So...it's been awhile since I've actually blogged something about Ridge, as far as details go. There are several reasons for that. One being that Ridge hasn't had a ton of change in awhile. Another being that I am really getting sick of being in the hospital even though I know it's where we need to be and so sometimes I just don't even want to talk about or think about or type about any of this. I know that sounds negative. I don't mean to sound that way, but I'm reaching a breaking point and I need a second, third, fourth, one hundredth wind. Everyone here is superb, excellent, happy, encouraging, friendly, etc...it isn't the people. It's the place. I want OUR HOME, with Brandon, Sawyer, myself, AND Ridge. period. That's what I want.

I have a lot going on right now...so this blog might be sporadic but I hope it is also encouraging.

First, an update on Ridge since I know that is what you came here looking for most likely. He is now eating rice cereal, green beans, peas, squash, and carrots. He likes all of it. He is jabbering and smiling and being so sweet almost all of the time. He is still not really rolling over, so pray that we would begin to progress there. I know he is approaching the crawling age, and he isn't really acting like he wants to do that or sit up or anything at all. So pray that we would stay as on track as possible- I know that isn't a big deal...but as a mom, it is. It just is. It isn't the biggest deal right now, but I don't want this to hinder him in any way. This, being the disease. "The Disease." ugh. I think he is teething. Drool drool...everywhere. He also loves to chew and bite on...anything. They are reducing his steroids on Sundays and his Octreotide on Wednesdays, trying to get to the lowest dose of each possible. Pray that this continues to be successful, bc there is always the risk that he will start bleeding again as they reduce these meds since they are supposedly what is keeping the bleeding at bay. Pray that the Lord will continue to stop the bleeding, supernaturally, miraculously. I think that's about it for the Ridge update. If I think of something else I will post it at the end of this post.

What else...Sawyer is having more potty accidents at school and home, and I know this is related to all that is going on. Pray for him. Pray for peace in his little life and for a new sense of normal to overtake him.

Oh, Ridge is also now on a dieuretic (i know I spelled that wrong)- to try to get some extra fluids off of him so that he doesn't have so high of blood pressure and so that some of the puffiness from the steroids goes down.

Brandon's still working and has thankfully avoided the flu plague that is overtaking our schools. ick. His grandpa was hospitalized last week with serious heart issues- major blockage to the one artery that hadn't already been bi-passed. Risky business putting a stint in, but it was better than the alternative to NOT putting the stint in. Thankfully, everything went off w/o a hitch, as far as I am aware, and PaPa should be able to go home sometime this week. You'd never know this man had any heart issues-- PaPa plays on the floor with Sawyer and Ridge and seems as spry as can be with the kids! So we are so glad the procedure went well.

WISH week was last week @ the HS and in the community of Yukon. I don't know final results but I have heard a few things, and I know we are going to be floored when we find out what the community and the schools have done for us. I can't say it enough- we love love love you, Yukon.

Okay, so outside of all of this, well, sort of, I am still a person. This incident, this time in my life, is what seems to be defining me right now. Understandably. But it is not all that is going on. So I'm gonna share with you some things that aren't just about MLT and it's toll on the Carys right now. I have small faith. I have knee jerk reactions that are human and that hinder my faith. So so stupid. Yesterday we had a great time at church and I can't remember everything that was said that was so valuable in the moment (sorry, Keith-- you know Sawyer...) but it was a great time. I have so much I want to share, but I am trying to keep Ridge entertained, and so I have a few things that can speak volumes over my words. One, is a song I had in my head when I woke up this morning. Thank the Lord for it, that's what I have to say. Here are the lyrics, and if I can get a minute, I'll add it to the playlist if I can find it.

"Only Grace” by Matthew West
From the album “History”

There is no guilt here
There is no shame
No pointing fingers
There is no blame
What happened yesterday…has disappeared
The dirt has washed away
And now it's clear

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy and believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There's only grace

You're starting over now
Under the sun
You're stepping forward now
A new life has begun
Your new life has begun

An’ there's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy and believe me…it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There's only grace…

And if you should fall again
Get back up, get back up
Reach out and take my hand
Get back up, get back up
Get back up again
Ohh…get…back…up…again…


There's only grace…
There's only love…
There's only mercy and believe me it's enough…it’s enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There's only…there’s only…grace…

There's only mercy and believe me it's enough…it’s enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There’s only…grace……
So get back up…get back up again…
Get back up again.

Okay...so...good stuff. Needed that. So did some of you.

Then, there's this.

Psalm 5

Give ear to my words, O Lord, Consider my groaning. Heed the sound of my cry for help, my King and my God, for to You I pray. In the morning, O Lord, You will hear my voice; In the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch. For you are not a God who takes pleasure in wickedness; no evil dwells with You. The boastful shall not stand before Your eyes; You hate all who do iniquity. You destroy those who speak falsehood; The Lord abhors the man of bloodshed and deceit. But as for me, by Your abundant lovingkindness I will enter Your house, at Your holy temple I will bow in reverence for You. O Lord, lead me in Your righteousness because of my foes; Make Your way straight before me. There is nothing reliable in what they say; their inward part is destruction itself. Their throat is an open grave; they flatter with their tongue. Hold them guilty, O God; by their own devices let them fall! In the multitude of their transgressions thrust them out, for they are rebellious against You. But let all who take refuge in You be glad, let them ever sing for joy; and may you shelter them, that those who love Your name may exult in You. For it is You who blesses the righteous man, O Lord, You surround him with favor as with a shield.

God, forgive me, forgive us, of our iniquities. Remind us today that it is only by Your grace that we are pardoned. And that...that is enough.