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wife. mom. adjunct professor. we homeschool. i'm a little bit OCD. i love math. bright colors and geometric designs make me drool. we live with a medical rarity, and Jesus saved his life. through that, Jesus is changing us. The american dream and status quo is overrated...and sometimes just plain wrong. our lives, our family, our careers, our faith are all now filtered through a new lens-- thank you Jesus. welcome to our crazy. feel free to take some of it with you, we have plenty to go around.
It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it.
-- Lena Horne

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.-- Jesus Christ

Monday, April 26, 2010

breathless scumbag

I don't have a good title today. I don't have a lot of time today. Dinner's in the oven, I have a double date with two trig students in about 45  minutes to crank out some mega trig before their next test, and I have a pile of baby shoes- pile is an understatement!- on the table begging me to sew them.  Little ones, you will have to wait, bc I need to make some serious jewelry for the jewelry party this weekend and the craft show next weekend.  May is CUH-RAZY for me.  I think we have something every single weekend.  Busy busy.  But it's good to be home.  We spent a brief amt of time over Ridge's bday in the hospital.  We had fun, and I have several pictures to post. But not now.

Here's where I'm at right now: the same place I find myself pretty much all the time through this new life of ours...breathless. Somedays in a good way, lots of days in a notsogood way.  I  am out of breath from running all over tarnation- or at least from hospital to home to hospital...I am breathless from fear of "will this get ridge sick?" I am breathless from wondering, "do we get him his one year vaccinations or not? will that set him off? when can we try to come off the octreotide and get that stupid central line out of his chest? what if it doesn't work? will our life ever be normal? why why why?" breathless.

i am breathless when I stop and think of provisions made for us throughout this whole ordeal. breathless at the opportunities presenting themselves to us every day.  in love with how God is allowing me to make some fraction of my paycheck back through my business, which will soon be official when i fill out the tax forms.  i have always wanted to earn a living, or earn a something, from a talent i have-- i'm a crafty one of sorts....and i like being able to make fun cute things and let people buy them.  i am breathless at the opportunity given to me this past week by a local boutique being willing to sell my things there-- (thanks! xoxo!) i am breathless at my friend andrea, whose little boy also has MLT, and her words of encouragement, promising things WILL get better and we WILL be able to live a normal life one day.  i can NEVER hear her say that enough. never ever.  i am breathless at how much those stinkin nurses and techs love ridge...and even silly sawyer!  i am breathless at some of the friendships i  now have simply bc my child lived on the 8th floor of the hospital for so long the girls there are not only my son's caretaker, they are,well, my friends.  i can't type about that any more, bc i will overflow with tears. but 8th floor ladies, you gotta know there's lotsa love in this momma's heart for you. 

i am so unworthy. i am bottom of the barrel scum most days, but God is continuing to take care of us.  and when i am having trouble remembering that, He reminds me. that is all.

goodnight, fellow scumbags...or fellow non-scumbags.  love to you all!

1 comment:

Court said...

I hate reading your blog... it brings me to tears EVERY single time I do. ...Tears of pain for you and for what you, Ridge, and the rest of your family goes through daily, but yet tears of joy for how I can truly see Jesus in you and through your words. Isn't His love amazing? No matter whether it's big or small, if we trust Him, go to Him, He can use it to bless us! What a MIGHTY God we serve! You guys are always in my prayers! ((HUGS))