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wife. mom. adjunct professor. we homeschool. i'm a little bit OCD. i love math. bright colors and geometric designs make me drool. we live with a medical rarity, and Jesus saved his life. through that, Jesus is changing us. The american dream and status quo is overrated...and sometimes just plain wrong. our lives, our family, our careers, our faith are all now filtered through a new lens-- thank you Jesus. welcome to our crazy. feel free to take some of it with you, we have plenty to go around.
It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it.
-- Lena Horne


The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.-- Jesus Christ

Monday, July 5, 2010

day 2 [a.k.a i procrastinate]

One of my friends and I are going through...supposed to be going through...Beth Moore's "Living Beyond Yourself" devotional.  Today, I managed to get through day 2, week 1....although it was two or three weeks ago we began this attempt. Good thing we both lead very similar lives, so while accountability is there, it isn't overbearing! :)

More on all that in a bit.  First, brief recaps of our life right now.  And a promise to splice in more pictures in the future. I have some funny ones of Ridge.

Ridge-- The first step in the Octreotide wean has been fine.  He has been on this dose BEFORE, way back when we were in the hospital, so I wasn't overly worried about the first stage of the wean.  I am a little more worried about the next phase-- it will begin on Wednesday or Thursday of this week.  He also comes off his steroids again today (we put him back on them when he was bleeding badly a couple weeks ago).  The steroid absence alone will most likely result in SOME bleeding/oozing, but combined with the Octreotide wean, it will make it difficult...impossible...to really distinguish what the culprit is.  Who cares, really, though.  Apparently, he will bleed regardless, unless we keep him forever on the steroids.  And I just don't know if I can do that.  Ridge is free standing more and more, and can now walk if we hold his fingers.  He's the cutest little thing ever.  He looks so tiny standing up and bouncing, or walking along holding my fingers.  He jabbers, but still, his only word is "mama."  We are working on getting him to use a sippy cup.  He just likes to bite it.  He loves potatoes and he loves bananas.  And he loooooves cookies (animal cookies/gerber graduates/some other organic cookies-- i'm not giving him oreos or anything like that, people).  He knows what the word "cookie" is when I say it.  He can clap, dance, "frame a pretty picture" with his arms around his face, try to blow kisses, but really this comes out more like smacking his temple...so he's a little off there...he can reach for things if he wants them and you have them...he is changing a lot.

Sawyer-- is one crazy boy.  He's a boy-- not a baby, not a toddler, not a little boy, he's just phasing into a boy. And it makes my heart sad sometimes.  But it makes me very happy that he can express himself incredibly clearly, and he can help out tremendously around the house and with Ridge.  He is curious about things and asks a lot of questions. He makes messes a lot, so a new rule was implemented "We won't get on to you about getting all of your toys out, as long as you get all of them out and leave them in your room.  At the end of the day, you have to clean up your own room. Your toys can not be out all over the house- ONLY in your room."  If you know me, you might or might not be surprised that I AGREED to this rule...but I did NOT suggest it.  I have been good to just ignore the complete littering of toys covering the ENTIRE carpet in Sawyer's room...covering the carpet, the bed, the dresser.  I really have not scolded even ONCE.  However, someone else has....which cracks me up.  I can't think of a lot of other updates on Sawyer, but he's a lot of fun...and so big.  It is sad to me that he is growing up....

BDawg is still glasses-less.  I adjusted just fine to the change.  I even mowed the yard, since he couldn't bc of his lasik.  I know, those of you who know me, are impressed that I mowed-- late one evening, the sun wasn't even out, so it wasn't even beneficial in trying to get me a tan!!!

We got to go out for our anniversary- dinner and cupcakes and then a trip to the furniture store (i know...we're so old).  It was so great getting to just sit and talk (this is when the whole, "sawyer should be able to make a huge mess in his room" discussion took place.

Me....oh, nothing new with me.  Busy busy...I am getting a lot of orders for headbands and hats and such.  This weekend I made pico, and black bean and corn salsa....and one night I pan seared tilapia, which Ridge looooved....Last night, I grilled steaks (I worked the grill!), and man I wish I had the pics uploaded- these steaks were HUGE!  I shared some of mine with Sawyer, and then, I can not believe I ate the rest of it, or that BDawg ate the whole other one-- seriously, they were enormous, at least 16 oz, Brandon says.  Huuuuuuge.  I felt sick after, and still feel full even this morning! Ha.

We watched the fireworks from our front yard bc our neighborhood is close enough to see them....Sawyer got to work a sparkler or two, and did a lot of those "popping" type fireworks- no fire involved.  But, my dryer did catch on fire the other night.  It's okay now, so don't worry too much.

I feel like that was some pretty good updating.

So I will leave you with some depth...not really from me, but from my day 2 devotional.

"Perhaps you continually struggle with the fear that if God had known some of the mistakes you were going to make and the sins you were going to commit, He never would have chosen you.  Scripture is clear-- God foreknew you from birth to death, yet He predestined you for His very own.  It's called grace....."

Do I really need to elaborate on that one??? How many days (every single one) do I feel like such trash because of something(s) I do or say, or my attitude in light of our struggles, or whatever it is insert your own whatever here. But rarely...ok, maybe more like never....do I remember that God already knew I'd be here.  He knew how I'd respond some days, and even if it isn't how I should respond, He still knew.  And He still chose me (you).  He still loves me (you).   He still saved me and forgave/forgives my sins when I ask(ed)-- just as he has done/will do with you.  "It's called grace."

"Remember this important fact about God.  He never asks anything of us to make Himself look better.  The demands He makes on our lives are NEVER for His personal gain.  We cannot make Him any more God than He already is.  He would be no less Lord of lords if no one believed.  Every urging and exhortation of God to us is for one major reason.  He desires that we have the pleasure of knowing, serving, and sharing Him.  God reserves the sovereign right to be sole authority over our lives for our good, for our completion, for the conforming of our lives to that of His Son."

Soooo...I can believe or I can not believe.  I can trust that God is/is going to taking/take care of us or that He isn't.  But it doesn't change HIM.  He is constant.  It does, however, change ME.

Good stuff.

Here are some things you can pray for this week, if you need some more things added to your prayer requests!!!
1. Ridge's Octreotide wean....that it would be successful.  That we would be able to be free of this medicine and free of the literal cord that binds him.   That we would enjoy a long time at home this time.  I hate going back to the hospital for more than a day at a time.  It makes me anxious and nervous and it is hard to enjoy time at home due to a fear that I will not be here at home long.  But that's another prayer request in and of itself!!!
2. That we would enjoy our time at home, especially with Sawyer.  I often hate how his life is so upside down because of all of this...even though I know he doesn't know differently.
3. My friend Emily.  Her husband Todd has been in the hospital previously with some major health concerns-- fluid around his heart, and possible lymphoma (but it turned out it ISN'T lymphoma, thank the Lord!) Anyway, he is back in the hospital for more tests/biopsies, trying to figure out what is going on.  She is about halfway through her first pregnancy, and I ache for them during this trying time in their life.  They are great people of faith with great friends/church family/family lifting them up, but please pray for them.
4. My sister in law is (possibly) having her first baby this week.  BDawg may be able to go see her/the baby, but because of Ridge, we won't all be able to go.  I am so so sad about this.  Pray for a good report at the doctor and that baby Whateverhisnameis will come this week if he is ready!  He is measuring very big, but we are banking on the U.S. being wrong....but either way, pray that all would go well.  They are trying to sell their house, move back to Oklahoma, and have a baby all at the same time....no small feat for anyone.

Well...that was enough of a post to get you through the week, I suppose! Sorry for so much writing!!!!  Have a great week.

1 comment:

Erin said...

I saw your food pics on fb...very impressive! Caiden must secretly be your son adn Sawyer mine...Caiden wants to refold his clothing draws all the time and organize his closet and toys...me it is s struggle to help him because it doesn't matter to me! Funny how our children help us look at things differently, through different eyes. God sure knows what He is doing!

I loved your devotional!!!! I am going to post it on fb if you don't mind! We just got done studying the book of Revelations and had this exact discussion in our Sunday school class! Thanks for sharing!!!

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