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wife. mom. adjunct professor. we homeschool. i'm a little bit OCD. i love math. bright colors and geometric designs make me drool. we live with a medical rarity, and Jesus saved his life. through that, Jesus is changing us. The american dream and status quo is overrated...and sometimes just plain wrong. our lives, our family, our careers, our faith are all now filtered through a new lens-- thank you Jesus. welcome to our crazy. feel free to take some of it with you, we have plenty to go around.
It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it.
-- Lena Horne

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.-- Jesus Christ

Saturday, August 7, 2010


lately i find myself praying with most of my breaths.  praying things like, "Lord, let this end for us. Let it be over.  Let this be the last bleed Ridge has before outgrowing this."  I know we can do this the rest of his life if we have to, but seriously, I do not want to.  I am so ready for a normal-er life.  Even if I never ever can go back to work- which is hard to adjust to, so we're not even talking about that yet, the plan is still to go back in the next year or so if I am able to and if the school can rehire me at that time-- but even if i can NEVER go back to work, I would just like to have this stupid disease behind me.  it is beyond exhausting and frustrating.  I am really trying not to complain.  I am just weary of the journey.

July brings new residents, new fellows, and quite a few new nurses, so this is a difficult time to be in the hospital. Things don't get ordered/get ordered incorrectly/things just get messed up.  It is frustrating.  I want to go home. I want all four of us to all be home together . The past 12 mos just haven't been anything I'd ever imagined.

Ridge is on a higher dose of Amicar, we are hoping to get dosing figured out so that we can hopefully stay on that and be off of the Octreotide forever.  We covet your prayers for complete healing, stopped bleeding, wisdom, financial peace (um...can I just say the process of trying to get ANY financial help is RIDICULOUS?  I know we are in the middle so we have to fight to try to get any federal aide...but seriously we have been working on it 7 months and "it's in the mail" is getting old.  It isn't in the mail.  And I know based on Ridge's disease and income he will qualify for something.  How great would it be if we could actually get it while he NEEDS it?  bc if we get it later, it doesn't do any isn't THAT retroactive....) so pray about that stupid process too.  So many things are just so overwhelming and frustrating right now.

I began working w/ sawyer this week on homeschool pre-k/K curriculum.  He has mastered the phonetics of the letter I, though he can't write it well yet....and he has memorized John 1:3 and Genesis 1:1.  He is a very good student :)

The only thing getting me through this rollercoaster sometimes, seriously, is imagining what I am going to do when it is over.  Before working again, before anything like that again, there will be many vacations had.  I'm not kidding. IDK how they will be paid for, I don't really care-- they WILL be taken!  I'm ready to get away with a couple of girlfriends who have walked this road with their own children, and Brandon wants to go on an Alaskan cruise, and I have consented to that...and when Ridge is better enough, we will also find somewhere to shack up as a family of four....all summer.  That's my plan-- a summer at the lake, not too far away, but far ENOUGH away.  Really, sometimes I just daydream about that stuff bc it is really what gets me through some moments...and i know we will get those dreams....someday.

I thought of some other things to inform you all of, but they have slipped my mind.

Those of you who are fans of the business/my projects, if you are on FB,  become a fan of our page-- SeeSaw Ridge Productions-- soon, as in, the next time we get out of the hospital, everything I have pre-made/in stock will be reduced 20% or more in price.  Good time to buy.  Off the top of my head I know I have a few bows/headbands/hats, several burp rags, a few pairs of baby shoes, possibly an apron or two, a baby swaddler, and lots of jewelry.  So if you are wanting or needing a gift, now's the time.

So much more to tell I am sure but I can not think of anything.  SO there is our update for now.

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