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wife. mom. adjunct professor. we homeschool. i'm a little bit OCD. i love math. bright colors and geometric designs make me drool. we live with a medical rarity, and Jesus saved his life. through that, Jesus is changing us. The american dream and status quo is overrated...and sometimes just plain wrong. our lives, our family, our careers, our faith are all now filtered through a new lens-- thank you Jesus. welcome to our crazy. feel free to take some of it with you, we have plenty to go around.
It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it.
-- Lena Horne


The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.-- Jesus Christ

Sunday, August 9, 2009

i don't even know

So...we are kind of having a rough patch. Ridge seemed to be doing really really well. He still seems fairly happy/content...but we have come to some new crossroads.

Last night, they moved us from ICU to a regular floor. We were excited b/c he seemed to be doing so well. We figured we'd get a good night's rest and things would go great. As soon as we got him down to sleep....there went the monitors. Apparently, for some unknown reason, Ridge keeps having apnea spells at night-- he stops breathing...for like 15 seconds. This happened REPEATEDLY last night. So...we got basically zero sleep. Which makes for a tough day. His blood/oxygen level kept dipping too low as well; no one seems to know yet what could be causing all this. There is a sleep lab here in the hospital so hopefully we can get in tonight...b/c staying up all night AGAIN is going to be hard on all of us. These secondary symptoms are bothersome. Some of you will wonder if it has to do with the meds he is on...and we wonder the same thing. However, he doesn't really have another option as far as the meds that stop the bleeding in his gut. Especially since some of the diapers that had turned more "normal" are changing a bit in the opposite direction again.

I don't have a lot of things to say today. We were sitting in the room today and I just felt completely shaken...even with Ridge's improvements...these setbacks are...just that, setbacks. Setbacks in a cure/treatment/management. Setbacks in our spirits and our emotions. I need, we need, God to reign down in power. We need to see a miracle. We need to be given more hope. And I hate that b/c it's not like God hasn't worked a million miracles already in this situation. I'm not mad at God. I'm mad at myself for letting whatever or whoever affect my faith in our God. I am mad b/c I need that faith for my son. I need God to carry us now; I need to feel overwhelmed with peace from His presence. I need more good news. We all do. It seems selfish. My focus is off. I need time to breathe, to mentally step out of the situation. I am constantly thinking of some adage I heard in a song or read somewhere or something, and today, it fits just perfectly. In the midst of all of this...the victories, the setbacks, the great nurses, the not so great nurses, the answers, the questions, the doubts, the fears, the joys....in the middle of it all, here is our plea--

Even so, come Lord Jesus.

We pray your day is blessed today. Remember us as you pray.

10 comments:

Teri Voss said...

You and your family continue to be in my heart and most especially in my prayers!

Elizabeth Pedigo said...

Alisha, you don't know me, but I saw a post on a message board that Ridge needs O negative blood. Are you still in need of that? My husband is O negative and we will be down at OUHSC next week. Email me and let me know what needs to be done to make sure your baby gets it. Praying for you all. eapedigo@yahoo.com

mrandmrscopeland said...

What a great song...remember that...COME TO JESUS! In the midst of trial and setbacks, remember God is incontrol. I pray that He gives you rest today, that you are able to feel a renewed spirit after a rough night. During our service today, our pastor prayed Psalm 23 over us. Several aspects of that verse spoke to me for you all and I wanted to share. "He guides me in the paths of righteousness...I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Remember that God will guide and comfort you. Overall, I think you said it best in your blog...COME TO JESUS.

Amanda Brandt said...

Vision of You
by Shane Barnard

Come meet us, King Jesus.
Oh wind of change blow through this temple.
Sweet spirit of God, come and mend our hearts.
For all we have are songs. Unless you come.

Awaken what's inside of me.
Tune my heart to all You are in me.
Even though you're here, God come.
May the vision of You be the death of me.
and even though You've given everything.
Jesus come!

Come free us, King Jesus.
Its the only way that freedom is given.
From you and you alone in the work You've already done.
All we have are songs, unless You come.

Awaken what's inside of me.
Tune my heart to all You are in me.
Even though you're here, God come.
May the vision of You be the death of me.
and even though You've given everything.
Jesus come!

Here we are, Lord, in this place.
Crying out for Your embrace.
To hear Your voice more than songs.

Awaken what's inside of me.
Tune my heart to all You are in me.
Even though you're here, God come.
May the vision of You be the death of me.
and even though You've given everything.
Jesus come!

This is the song that came to mind when i read your blog. Praying for yall so much.

shelly and terry mullens said...

Brandon and Alisha we wanted you to know that your family are in our prayers. In thoughs sleepless nights he will give you the strength and in his mercy he will give healing touch to that precious angle Ridge.

Anonymous said...

We want you to know that our family and our church family are praying for Ridge. God will give you the strength and comfort that you need. We are standing with you and praying for a complete healing. Love, Tom and Luana Tucker

Dondra said...

Brandon and Alisha - Our family is praying for you and Ridge. We pray for strength, healing and now, sleep. When you are finally able to come home we will be arranging for meals to be brought for a few nights to help. Thanks for keeping us informed. Love, Max and Dondra Lonsdale

Anonymous said...

Brandon & Alisha--I know from where you sit, that you have no idea what a ministry and becon of HIS life your blog has been. To the very least, those of us in Hollis, who have been so ferverntly praying for a miracle for Ridge. We lifted up your family in prayer this morning at FBC Hollis. You are so loved!!!

Psalms 91 (MSG)

You who sit down in the High God's presence, spend the night in Shaddiai's shadow,
Say this: "GOD, you're my refuge.
I trust in you and I'm safe!"
That's right--he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you--
under them you're perfectly safe, his arms fend off all harm.
Fear nothing--not wild wolves in the night,
not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
not disaster that erupt at high noon.
Even though others succumb all around,
drop like flies right and left,
no harm will even graze you.
You'll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
watch the wicked turn into corpses.
Yes, becasue GOD's your refuge,
the High God your very own home.
Evil can't get close to you,
harm cant get through the door.
He ordered his angels
to guard you wherever you go.
If you stumble, they'll catch you;
their job is to keep you from falling.
You'll walk unharmed among lions and snakes.
and kick young lions and serpents from the path.
"If you'll hold on to me for dear life, "says GOD,
"I'll get you out of any trouble.
I'll give you the best of care
if you'll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times,
I'll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I'll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!"

In HIS love--Teri Johnson

Anonymous said...

I read about your need for O Neg and forwarded it to a friend here in Fargo. She has and will donate blood to help if she can please let me know how.
Judy Morris
goldenj32w2@hotmail.com
5805711909

Anonymous said...

As a mom of three little boys, my heart breaks reading about the challenges your precious Baby Ridge is enduring. I just wanted you to know I am praying for all of you.
Shannon

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