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wife. mom. adjunct professor. we homeschool. i'm a little bit OCD. i love math. bright colors and geometric designs make me drool. we live with a medical rarity, and Jesus saved his life. through that, Jesus is changing us. The american dream and status quo is overrated...and sometimes just plain wrong. our lives, our family, our careers, our faith are all now filtered through a new lens-- thank you Jesus. welcome to our crazy. feel free to take some of it with you, we have plenty to go around.
It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it.
-- Lena Horne

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.-- Jesus Christ

Friday, October 23, 2009

half of one

Happy half birthday to my second born.

Dear baby Ridge...oh how we love you.  So many of us love you.  Especially your momma and daddy.  And your big brother.  Oh breaks my heart that you have spent half of your six months in this hospital.  It breaks my heart that we have missed all this time at home.  I know it is but a blip on the map of time you will be with us, but it is still heart wrenching for your momma.  I should be seeing you at home, rolling over and getting ready to crawl in the house we bought just so we'd have more room for you and Sawyer to play.  I should be waking to your coos and giggles in your own bed, in the  nursery daddy and I textured and painted just for you.  Your four and five and six month pictures shouldn't consist of cords all over you and hospital beds and equipment in the background.  You don't know the difference.  You are full of life and laughter and bring joy to my heart every day.  You are capable of so many amazing things- like reaching your toes all the way to your mouth.  You squeal with delight when I lift you up over my head.  You have the beautiful brown eyes I always wanted one of my babies to have.  You look just like your daddy.  You sing beautiful songs in your own little baby language.  You don't fuss, barely ever...not even when you are at your worst, MLT-wise.  You know nothing other than life with MLT.  We are the ones who want better for you, who want "more" for you.  For you, this is no surprise, this is normal.  For us, this is heart wrenching.  This is annoying.  This is blind-siding.  I want to take the cords off and just take you home.  I know that isn't what is best for you, but it is what I want more than anything.  You are my baby, my second born, and at the first sight of you, well, after saying that you looked just like your brother, I knew immediately I would want more babies (baby?).  I thought that might change upon your diagnosis, but watching you grow and laugh and bring joy  to those around you has just made that desire for more little ones affirmed.  You are our gift from God, chosen to walk this road, and we will be beside you, sometimes even carrying you, as God carries us, every step of the way.  I love you, as your brother would say, with all my heart, all my sunshine, all the corn, all the corndogs, all the ketchup and all the mustard.  You are my sweet baby boy.  Happy first half birthday.


Erin said...

All I can say is you have brought tears to my eyes! He is so are a lucky family to be blessed with him being a part of it!

Alethea said...

What beautiful, touching thoughts -- thank you for sharing your heart with us on Ridge's half birthday. We all still want a miracle for him, and we won't quit praying, because we see so many ways that God is working already. You have now idea how many people are hearing and seeing your testimony through this. Next time I'm up there I will share some notes from a sermon I heard this week that meant a lot to me in light of what you all are going through. We love you.