not today

Today is not me monday....but, i will not be participating.  Too distracted.  Ridge is having a good day, acting great, had a bath, looks as cute as can be in his "I love Mommy" shirt (we did have on the "I love Daddy" shirt...but...someone pooped on it.  And if the poop had been yellow, I'd have left that shirt on him.  However, the poop was this color, only a couple shades darker.  I'm getting so tired of it. Back and forth, back and forth.  Ridge spit up once today and it had a teensy speck of red in it.  Teensy.  But it was there.  We got our x-ray reports back from some abdominal x-rays yesterday, and apparently, if there really is "pneumatosis" going on in there, it is worse-- now not only is it in the colon wall but it is in the small bowel wall.  GUH-REAT.  I don't have a clue how worried I'm supposed to be bc the doctors say not to be "too" worried, but we don't know if this is even what is going on and if it is, we don't know why it's going on and we don't know how to fix it.  So frustrating!  I just want to curl up and cry about it bc it's just ridiculously annoying.  And Ridge acts totally fine, which is uber confusing bc he doesn't act like his tummy hurts and his stomach is soft, like it should be, not tender to the touch or full of air like would be expected with this junk.  So what am I supposed to think?  What am I supposed to do? Totally not worry?  Well...that would be easy to do if I didn't know about it, had never been informed about it...but once you open that info, of course I'm going to be concerned about it.  Especially when the course of action posed to usually try to treat it is no food or drink and possible antibiotics.  And...no food or drink doesn't bode well w/ Ridge as far as his bleeding goes.  So how do we decide what to do?  I don't like thinking about being in the position to just decide what is most likely to save his life.  I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.  It just all makes me sick.  I want the x-ray to be repeated (it is going to be) with the result that it was an error, more than once.  That Ridge doesn't have whatever they think he has.  That MLT is the most we need to worry about...bc I don't worry about that anymore.  

I don't have anything else to type, and Ridge is literally folding in half in front of me bc he is trying to sit up...unsuccessfully!  So I must go.

Please pray for Ridge.  Today I was reminded of the verse about two or three gathering in God's name and how He is there in the midst of us.  So please, make yourself the second, third, or hundredth person gathering in the name of God to take care of our son and to take this weird pneumatosis secondary issue away.  I don't know why we are having to deal with this too...I know God has a plan and He knows what will happen, but I just want this to GO AWAY.  So pray that it DOES!