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wife. mom. adjunct professor. we homeschool. i'm a little bit OCD. i love math. bright colors and geometric designs make me drool. we live with a medical rarity, and Jesus saved his life. through that, Jesus is changing us. The american dream and status quo is overrated...and sometimes just plain wrong. our lives, our family, our careers, our faith are all now filtered through a new lens-- thank you Jesus. welcome to our crazy. feel free to take some of it with you, we have plenty to go around.
It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it.
-- Lena Horne

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.-- Jesus Christ

Thursday, December 24, 2009


Okay...I'm so not one for complaining since all of this has happened to us this year.  I'm all about finding our blessings, no matter where they are hiding.  But, if you are an Oklahoman who was glad to see this hideous blizzard, STOP reading now.  Because for just a minute I need to clear my head, my chest, whatever.  This won't change your life.  This won't increase your Christmas spirit (I don't think....I actually don't know where this post will endup)....

I hate this blizzard.  HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT.

Ridge got to come home two days ago.  It has been the greatest two days-- well, one day-- EVER.  yesterday.  today, notsogood.  Not bc Ridge is doing badly.  In fact, I think he's doing great.  But because even with this awful blizzard in the forecast, our home health people who are wonderful already and aren't mad at us for calling eight gajillion times, well...they didn't send Ridge's Octreotide yesterday.  It wasn't due till today.  This is the med that runs in his central line.  It is a continuous infusion and is required to keep his bleeding at bay.  The last time he was without it, we went into a major bleed.  First of all, I'm not sure how we'll get to the hospital if he goes into a major bleed.  Second of all, even ambulances can't drive in this stuff apparently.  So what are we gonna do?  I guess cut off my arm and squirt my blood into his central line if he needs blood.  I know, I'm too extreme.  But any parent would do it if they had to, and you know it.  So anyway, now the super sweet guy who is delivering our Octreotide has been stuck on I40 for 3 hours or more.  Apparently he is driving a pontiac vibe, and it's just not able to handle the snow drifts. of course it isn't.  and he isn't able to be with his family right now bc he is stuck at a shell gas station waiting on one of Brandon's friends to go get our medicine bc Ridge HAS to have it.  Thanks be to GOD for this particular friend and his 4wd.  I can't stop crying like an idiot bc it's his Christmas eve, too.  He is giving up this time with his family, and our delivery guy is missing time with his family, and we have to have Ridge's medicine, and I'm super afraid someone's going to have a wreck, and just as afraid Ridge will not get his medicine...

I'm reading about people who are stuck at work, whose husband/dad/mom/wife/whatever are stuck at work or in a store or on the road or in a hotel w/ no food but vending machine food...and I'm just exhausted by it.  I know it's still Christmas.  The gift of Christ is still the same, still as awe inspiring and unbelievable....

but shouldn't we be with our family on Christmas?  I was overjoyed to be HOME with my family for our Christmas.  now all of these people who had no reason to think they'd be separated at Christmastime ARE separated at Christmastime.  I just think it's horrible.

I pray you have a blessed Christmas. Safe and warm and that you reflect on the birth of Christ.  I pray that there are no distractions in your night to keep you from the true meaning of Christmas.  But if you find yourself distracted by things like the weather and your absent family member or your son's medicine missing or that your husband forgot to give your son his 3 oclock meds even though he said something about giving the 3 clock meds and you thought he gave them and now the schedule is all messed up and our friend cant get the meds to us because he is needing an alt. route to get here....well, i don't know what to tell you to do there.  i know what i should say "textbook Christian" style.  But I don't know what to say.  Because I just want to throw up and cry and give up on all of it.  MY SON NEEDS HIS MEDICINE.  So come on Christmas miracle.  we gotta have one.

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