My photo
wife. mom. adjunct professor. we homeschool. i'm a little bit OCD. i love math. bright colors and geometric designs make me drool. we live with a medical rarity, and Jesus saved his life. through that, Jesus is changing us. The american dream and status quo is overrated...and sometimes just plain wrong. our lives, our family, our careers, our faith are all now filtered through a new lens-- thank you Jesus. welcome to our crazy. feel free to take some of it with you, we have plenty to go around.
It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it.
-- Lena Horne


The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.-- Jesus Christ

Monday, January 11, 2010

two posts in one day? thanks to the shower, i think so!

i just had a horrible experience.  in light of all we've endured, i know it's nothing...but i have to share this.  have to.  gag. me.

apparently, it is much easier to get un-used to the hospital shower than it is to get used to it.  i was totally adjusted to our shower in 8146....even at times, desperate times, feeling sad and tired enough to want to sit down in the floor of the shower and cry.  i never did, mind you, but i was ready to, more than once.  but now...we're back.  and oh...8114...you are not so kind.  i have enjoyed my baths at home.  cranked the heater up, lit some candles, read a book, etc....and surely, surely, SURELY i can make allowance for a hospital shower...for a short time.  oh, but i don't know if i can.  not 8114's.  let me just walk you through this experience.  i will not scare you by showing you a picture of the shower.  but here it goes....

the bathroom....has two lights.  one above the potty, and one in the shower.  light above the potty? burnt out.  so...it's kinda dark in there to begin with.  shower curtain, obviously, icko.  even 8146 doesn't get a pass on that one.  ick. o.   so....the shower itself....1) the floor of the shower, while i am certain is not supposed to be white, is also not supposed to be that dingy grey color.  please...someone come pour bleach....or straight up acid...on that floor.  (DON'T WORRY- I HAVE WORN FLIP FLOPS IN THE SHOWER ALL FIVE MONTHS OF OUR HOSPITAL STAY...so don't barf too much here)....2) that little bit, no, those little bits, of soap on the floor of the shower...those aren't mine.  and i'm the first cary to take a shower in this shower...so they aren't even my family's.  so...i'm pretty excited i got to watch those stay...and stay...and stay on the shower floor, throughout my entire shower.  which is pretty impressive bc 3) the water pressure in this sucker is strong enough to wash the mud off a redneck's truck....and even though there's a knob to adjust the pressure, if you get it low enough that you aren't being pelted, the water is cold...i don't know why bc the pressure knob shouldn't affect the temp knob...but whatever.  this shower is a rarity.  it must be spectacular...somewhere.  4) all these hospital showers have these fold up seats.  ive never tried to open one bc i'm never in all my life gonna sit down in a hospital shower, even if i want to.  and i'm scared if i open one there will be some scary stuff in there.  but in 8114's shower....i don't have to be scared- it's seat is permanently open.  it won't shut even if i try.  it just slams right back down.  so i have half as much room to shower, so it's like a permanent game of dodge the wall, dodge the knobs, dodge the seat, dodge the curtain, or else i will just have to wash all over again.  5) the drain isn't great so ...that is sick to me if it happens in my own house, so i can't even type about it right now. it's making my feet feel dirty.  6) as soon as i go to turn off the water, before it's shut off, it immediately, at my touch, at my decision to turn the knob, becomes COLD.  FREEZING.  it has rapid response time.  i can't even get it turned off fast enough, it just gets COLD!  sick.  7) so now, i'm out of the shower, in the dark part of the bathroom, hoping i don't touch anything.  i hurry and get dressed, but i can't get out of the dungeon-ous bathroom because the door is all messed up and it tries to either stay open or lock me in there.
so, all in all, the only shower experience i've ever had that might possibly be worse than this, but i'm not even sure, is showering at the public pool when i was a kid.  i didn't go there very much, and really, it probably was less gross, EVEN if i didn't wear flip flops, which i probably did, but i know for a fact i at least had on a bathing suit, so yeah...it was probably less gross.


i'm afraid.

i think i shall have to be dirty the rest of our hospital stay.

2 comments:

Imperfection Is Perfection said...

This is some hilarious stuff! I showered in public restrooms at Mercy's ICU when our family took turns staying overnight with my grandpa-they had a pretty nice place (waiting room/bathrooms). I have since seen the waiting rooms at OU Med Center and it was not impressive. I cannot imagine the stress of bath time in a room like that! Ick! Hopefully, you'll be home again SOON!

Corie said...

OK, my kiddos are sleeping and I'm trying not to bust out laughing as I read about your experience. Thank you for the detail you always provide! You really should write a book!

There was an error in this gadget