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wife. mom. adjunct professor. we homeschool. i'm a little bit OCD. i love math. bright colors and geometric designs make me drool. we live with a medical rarity, and Jesus saved his life. through that, Jesus is changing us. The american dream and status quo is overrated...and sometimes just plain wrong. our lives, our family, our careers, our faith are all now filtered through a new lens-- thank you Jesus. welcome to our crazy. feel free to take some of it with you, we have plenty to go around.
It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it.
-- Lena Horne

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.-- Jesus Christ

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

finally! i really didn't disappear!

I haven't really felt like blogging. I also haven't had a ton of time.  But this morning, I realized it had been like a week since our last meeting, so I thought I should stop letting you down. :)

Not a lot of updating for us.  Ridge is super crawler lately.  He is doing really well with it, and no major issues with him running out of line yet- I am worried about that, but so far I have been able to keep up with him!  He is loving his baby food. 

We are all home today because Sawyer barfed at school.  Sawyer has spent the day resting and watching movies but has acted fine, so I am hoping he doesn't have a bug...but we shall see.  None of the rest of us has thrown up, so that's good.

So all in all, things are good.  Ridge's hbg has been fluctuating in the 10s some.  But yesterday, he was back up to 11.6 and today 12.6, so that is SUPER!  We had an ER trip this weekend because his central line clotted off- that was weird and frantic, but it all worked out and we didn't have to be admitted. 

Ridge is the happiest little thing- his smile is like one of those smiles that you think would make your face break off, but it doesn't. He always smiles that big.  And then you can't help but smile.  He's so sweet.  And mean. And fun.  And growing growing growing, at least in achievements.  We have two really great boys.  We are very blessed.  It's hard to remember that in the every day moments sometimes.  Sometimes I get really frustrated with myself, and this was true before THIS part of our lives even came to be, but I get frustrated because it is so easy to be overwhelmed.  In our case, with Ridge, and with it seeming like there is something EVERY day, and that there is never a day to just stay around in PJs and not worry about having to get out or people coming over to change dressings or deliver meds or us having to go to a dr. appt, etc etc etc.  It just always seems like it's something.  Again, this was so even before Ridge was here, but i didn't write this blog then, so we just have the here and now to work with.  So ANYWAY, it just becomes stupidly overwhelming.  Because you know what all of that hubub is called? LIFE.  it's life. it's my life.  It's the life God has blessed us with, and for whatever reason, we are the ones who are getting to live it.  But because I am selfish and stupidly human, I still get overwhelmed.  Oh yes, there are a lot of joyful moments, but there are a lot of sad moments, and lot of "I can't do this!" moments, and even the occaisional- I'm admitting it- "WHY ME!?!?!" moments.  I know I don't always approach the table set before us with as much grace and fortitude as I should.  I KNOW it but I sometimes just don't care.  But I am so so thankful that even when I just "know" things can't get worse and that we are never going to make it, blah blah blah, really, deep down, I KNOW that it's going to be okay. It's not going to be perfect.  It's not going to be a fairytale.  It's not going to even be normal.  But it is going to be what it's going to be.  God is going to take us through this.  I'm not always going to have the right attitude, but I'm not always going to have the wrong one either.  So, I want to share something with you.  If you don't have time to watch this, or can't bc it's blocked at your place of employment, or whatever, I posted the lyrics below. 

Let the Waters Rise

Don't know where to begin
It's like my world's caving in
And I tried but i can't control my fear
Where do I go from here

Sometimes it's so hard to pray
You feel so far away
I am willing to go where You want me to
God I trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If you want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach

God You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand


God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding on to You

God your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

yeah. so that's pretty good stuff.


Erin said...

I am guilty of feeling the same way these is so tiring~BUT this song basically says it matter what we will follow HIM!

Keep your head up and your heart lifted! YOU CAN DO IT THROUGH HIM!

Katie said...

Love that song! It is soo good! Keep staying strong, I know you can do it!

wrensmommy said...

i couldn't find an email address to contact you.. but i wanted to ask you if i could do a blog post on ridge and MLT for rare diseases day (though i'm a little late since it was feb. 28- i still want to do it). you can check out my blog and see if it's something that you'd be interested in- for awareness for MLT, prayers for ridge, or just general traffic. :)

i've followed ridge's progress, and commented randomly.. but i know you don't know me. :) i wanted to say, when i read your posts i am always encouraged by your strength and perspective... it reminds me of things that i should remember everyday- where my hope comes from, what's really important, and all the blessings that i have- and so often forget.