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wife. mom. adjunct professor. we homeschool. i'm a little bit OCD. i love math. bright colors and geometric designs make me drool. we live with a medical rarity, and Jesus saved his life. through that, Jesus is changing us. The american dream and status quo is overrated...and sometimes just plain wrong. our lives, our family, our careers, our faith are all now filtered through a new lens-- thank you Jesus. welcome to our crazy. feel free to take some of it with you, we have plenty to go around.
It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it.
-- Lena Horne

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.-- Jesus Christ

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Dear sweet baby Ridge....
One year ago, you entered this world.
For nine months, I carried you...felt you kick and flip and hiccup.
I let you grow as big as you wanted (8 lbs 12 oz...)
I loved you before I ever saw you.
And when the doctor handed you to me, my first words, "hi, ridge!" were spoken through tears, and quickly, "he looks EXACTLY like sawyer!" followed.
You entered the world on your granddaddy's birthday, a special day indeed.  He would've loved you to bits.
You entered the world quickly, but not without being noticed-- through every bit of strength that epidural could muster, I still felt those contractions.  After they finally gave me the strongest whatever they could give me, the pain stopped, you arrived, and I threw up in front of your Aunt Binet'.  

You were born with lots and lots of black hair, and though your eyes were blue at birth, they soon turned brown...I'd always wanted a brown eyed baby.

Your daddy and your brother loved you from the start.  Sawyer wanted to name you Hollywood, and was disappointed, at first, that your name was not, in fact, actually Hollywood.  But he adjusted and he loves you dearly and is a great helper and playmate for you.  Your daddy is a tremendous baby holder, and you always sleep best on his chest.  You've looked just like him from the get-go.

  Here you are, one year ago (tomorrow) of the greatest, happiest days of my life.

From that day forward, we have loved you.  Not without trial.  Not without frustration.  Not without pain and tears.  But we have loved.  We will continue to love.  Every minute of every day with you is a blessing, and though your incredible spoiled nature (thanks to your parents and all the nurses who love you dearly, as well as the rest of your family members) makes it nearly impossible to ever get anything done without holding you, you are a miracle among us.  Not until six weeks into your life did we even have any inkling that anything was amiss in your little body.  And oh, how most every moment since then has been bittersweet.  Hospitalizations are always a pain, because we want you home, not in the hospital.  But at the hospital, some of the people who have come to love you and come to defend you, jump at the chance to take care of you.  Being home is always such a blessing with a small lining of long this time? Will you be bleeding tomorrow?  Will you get sick if I take you here/there/wherever?  

And please know, sweet baby Ridgey, that you are loved by everyone around you- family, friends, nurses, community....

And you have a mama who couldn't be happier that your first, and only word, is.... "mama".

Oh, Ridge....never could we stop loving you.  I carried you in my belly for nine months. I will carry you in my heart for all my lifetime.  And one year ago, on your BIRTHday, you were covered in love at the hospital. This year, on your first birthday, you will be covered in love at the hospital.  And it, too, while bittersweet, will be one of the greatest, happiest days of my life.  Your momma loves you....with all her heart, and, as Sawyer says, with all the corn.
Here you are, about one year from your birth.  My sweet baby. 

Happy first.


RainOnMe said...

Beautiful and making me teary! Happy Birthday sweet baby Ridge. Although I have not met you face to face, I think of you most every day. You continue to be in our prayers and every day you are just that much closer to getting even better and better.

Amy <> said...

Tears are literally streaming down my face right now. I hope you're happy! I will forever remember getting a phone call from you on your way to the hospital with this scary disease for the first time. You were scare out of your mind, but your faith never faltered. God is, and will continue to be, your rock and your #1. I know the road has not been easy,but blessings are waiting. I love you girl!! Happy Birthday Ridgey!!!!

Megan said...

That was beautiful and made me tear up. Happy Birthday Ridge! I can't wait to see what God does in his life. I know He's got big plans for him. Enjoy tomorrow with Baby Ridge.

p.s. I wore my jewelry this week. love it!

wrensmommy said...

that just melted my heart...

may tomorrow be among many happy days to you ridge!

Susan said...

Oh Ridger! Hope you have a wonderful first birthday! I am so glad to know you and your family! Blessings and prayers to you always! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Baby Ridge! You are a very special little boy and you are in my thoughts and prayers everyday! I hope you have a very blessed 1st birthday! I look forward to seeing birthday pictures!

Tami O

Anonymous said...

You have been in my prayers each and everyday.
A SD friend of Tami O
and a proud wearer of the
Baby Ridge Team T-Shirt
Cindy F

Katie said...

Happy Birthday little Ridge! May God continue to bless you! (P.S. you made me cry)

faith buss said...

Oh good I'm bawling. So sweet and beautiful!! Happy Birthday Ridge!

alisha said...

oh all of you quit that crying! :) it was a good day! thanks for taking the time to read ridgey's bday post!

Susan said...

I hope ridgey had a fun Birthday and I hope your hospital stay is/was bbrief this time. May GOD bless Ridge and your entire family. Love You susan and mike