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wife. mom. adjunct professor. we homeschool. i'm a little bit OCD. i love math. bright colors and geometric designs make me drool. we live with a medical rarity, and Jesus saved his life. through that, Jesus is changing us. The american dream and status quo is overrated...and sometimes just plain wrong. our lives, our family, our careers, our faith are all now filtered through a new lens-- thank you Jesus. welcome to our crazy. feel free to take some of it with you, we have plenty to go around.
It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it.
-- Lena Horne

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.-- Jesus Christ

Saturday, March 12, 2011

when...oh, someday someday!

a few notes before this post.
1) i was sitting in the parking lot of the nail salon waiting to redeem a gift certificate when i wrote this on an old oil change receipt (it was on a piece of paper, like a regular sized one, not a receipt sized one).  when the salon opened, the line was out the door, so i finished this little note and went to kohl's.
2) i miss my job.  i think about it a lot, thus writing about it in the car.  i miss it tons.  some of how i feel about missing it is just too much for me to share here for you to all read....but some of it isn't.  i don't know when everything will be worked out for me to return.  i know that it will all work out- because God has promised me this.  but today, while i was sitting there, thinking...i remembered that He probably has a lot of cool stuff to show me until that day-- and that day may be soon, or it may not be soon, I have no way of knowing that stuff because I can't see into the future and I can't magically make things happen.  But when it is time, the Lord will make it work.  I have faith in that, because He has made it clear in the desires He has given my heart.  And He is always faithful!  So anyway, today, as I was sitting, I decided I can't wait to see what things are in between now and then, however near or far then is!
3) This is written really for myself, but I'm sharing it anyway.  For so many reasons- for people who don't understand moms who work.  For people who are antsy in whatever spot God has them right now.  "This too shall pass" my momma always said (and still says).   This is written for people needing a boost of energy in their career, whatever that career may be.  I had to omit some parts because they were just too personal.  I am not trying to sound arrogant in any part of this- whatever talent I have was not developed but by the grace of God and the many assists of colleagues.  And teachers who believed in me.

so here it oil change receipt note written while waiting on a pedicure that didn't happen.

Does it matter right now?  right. now. ?  i WILL go back when i CAN go back.  ........God WILL make a way for that.  It doesn't matter how much I miss or what I am missing, because I am not there right now, so of course I am missing things.{.....I can learn to live a life without that part of my life for now.  I can learn to love a life without that part of my life...for now.} .... I am a talented teacher.   I love my students.  THEY are why I teach-- not for a meager paycheck, not to sound like I am in a noble profession, not to make friends with my coworkers (though that is nice when it happens!).  The STUDENTS are why I am there- THEY are why it is not difficult to leave my own children at a highly qualified and loving childcare center-  I love working with my students.  They do not always like me- we don't always get along.  BUT, I make a difference, I make a friend-- in more of them than I do not.  there will ALWAYS be students-- I may have missed the class of 2010, 2011, and maybe even more than those.  BUT I will NOT miss them all.  I was created for this job, the job of teaching math and advanced math, in such a way that students can understand.  I am called to inspire confidence and to make math fun and to make the difficult seem doable.  I enjoy doing so.  I will do this again.  Not today.  Today I will rock some other talent God gave me- but I will fall in praise the day I hand out a syllabus again.  The day I meet a new group of young people who have the potential to change the world, and who allow me to be a part of their doing so.

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