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wife. mom. adjunct professor. we homeschool. i'm a little bit OCD. i love math. bright colors and geometric designs make me drool. we live with a medical rarity, and Jesus saved his life. through that, Jesus is changing us. The american dream and status quo is overrated...and sometimes just plain wrong. our lives, our family, our careers, our faith are all now filtered through a new lens-- thank you Jesus. welcome to our crazy. feel free to take some of it with you, we have plenty to go around.
It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it.
-- Lena Horne

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.-- Jesus Christ

Monday, February 22, 2010

Not Me! Monday-- three hilarious surprises.

can i please start off saying that i am NOT having to retype this bc blogger had some failure with my posting it? so disappointed bc it probably won't be as funny the second time around.


before i begin, if you missed my last post with the video of Ridge getting his blood checked and his octreotide changed, you can find it here-- i'd been promising it, so i want to make sure you see it if you want to.

Okay, so there are some seriously funny things that did NOT happen around here this last week.  But first, credit to MckMama for starting the tradition of Not Me!'s....if you want to read some more, head on over here. (REVISION: mucho apologies for a non working link! how annoying! i don't know what the deal was, but NOW the link works).

All right.

The first thing I have to share is how last night, after working fast and furious on some of these:

i did NOT decide, at like 11:00 when my baby was NOT awake and NOT just jibberjabbering away, that I wanted to sneak some girl scout tagalongs as a little bedtime snack.  when i was NOT doing this, i did NOT find that someone had already, earlier, beaten me to the snacking. this was not made obvious by the evidence seen here:

in case you aren't seeing what kept me laughing for several minutes last night, that sock monkey doesn't usually reside in our pantry. though he is still in that same spot.  the tagalongs, however, are not.  i'm not saying where SOME of them went.

The same person who did NOT leave that sock monkey in our pantry also did NOT try to be a helper by super sanitizing/power cleaning/hotter-than-bon-jovi heat dry the dishes in the dishwasher (by NOT pushing ALL the buttons)....and upon NOT doing any of that that same three year old someone did NOT invent this by accident:

the baby spork. 

won't be washing THOSE spoons in the dishwasher again.  bdawg was quick to point out the pink spoons escaped unscathed.  while the only blue one....well, it's no good.

and finally, the last thing i did NOT do just this morning...warning: if you are uncomfortable with the topic of breastfeeding, the rest of this post is sooooo not for you.  don't say i didn't warn you!

this morning, as i got ready in my cute new blue flats....and my cute little mustard colored cardigan, and my cute necklace i got last year for my birthday....i did NOT forget anything. i was (seriously) ready on time for our first consult with the hematologist.  and with all my togetherness, i totally would neverrrrrrrrrr forget something.  and if, on the off chance i did, i would realize so when leaving my driveway, NOT upon arrival to the parking garage of the hospital.  and because i have breastfed one baby for a year and this baby for almost a year, i would never ever ever have the item i forgot be.....

maybe some of you don't need them. i do.  maybe you don't know what they are- suffice it to say, leaks happen.

and i would ALWAYS be so prepared that i would have backup breastpads in the that if i were to look in the breastpump bag emergency bag or the diaper bag or the console or the glove box or the pockets on the seats, i would NOT have come up empty handed.  at which point, i would not have decided to just pump a bottle while still in the car to avoid the risk of leakage for the entire hospital to see...and while doing so, i would not have (seriously at this point) worried about anyone in the parking garage or walkway in front of it seeing me, and i definitely would NOT have used a diaper as a breastpad during all this process.  upon feeling rushed and not being very successful with any of the above, i had a eureka moment.  at this point, i asked bdawg to go get two of THESE from the back of the car....and then, i did NOT use the two of THESE as breastpads.

yes. lavender scented. yesssss.  i'm really, for reals, NOT kidding. i'm not.

and i'm also not kidding when i say...

they worked.

hope you had a laugh on me.


Megan said...

Thanks for providing a laugh for me today!

Kelli @ RTSM said...

That baby spork is so cute! I think you may be on to something. I love the sock monkey in the cabinet too. Was it left there in exchange for the cookies?!?

alisha said...

ha ha. i don't know if the sock monkey was in exchange of the cookies or not. i'm sure i ate more cookies than the 3 year old may have snuck!

Yellow House said...

You did make me laugh! I can't wait for the Girl Scout cookies I ordered to arrive! I will be sneaking them out of my pantry nightly!


Erin said...

Okay first off my two boys raid the pantry on a regular basis so the sock monkey made me laugh out loud...then the swiffer breast pads made me laugh out loud with a bit of wetness on the eyes! I wish we could ask Ridge how the lavender taste was for him! Maybe you are onto something here! LOL! Thanks girl for sharing such great stories and making me feel soooo normal!

Anonymous said...

That absolutely cracked me up! I can go to sleep now with a smile on my wait...I am still chuckling!
A. Manney

Sarah@VintageChic said...

Hilarious... especially #3! I can relate completely!

Anonymous said...

this cracked me up! i used to find pacifiers in random spots in my kitchen cabinets, now i find barbie dolls! it is funny how children leave their mark of where they have been.

Anonymous said...

sorry that last comment was from Toni (Bernard) Richardson

Michelle said...

You are so funny! I love the sock monkey, wish someone would leave me something in exchange for my cookies! I can't say that I've never destroyed a baby spoon either! I totally can relate to the breast pads! At least you were dry and smelled great!

Faith said...

No way?!!! Wow - that was a moment of genius. I laughed SO hard at the breastpads bit. Oh and the spork, 'cause that's totally something my boy would do.

Corie said...

That is awesome! When Ethan was NOT three he did NOT lock me in the utility room with the front door locked, only way out through the garage, and no tools to take off the lock. I did NOT have him bring me the phone and I did NOT try to dial it through a screen while having him hold it up there for me! He did NOT take it down laughing when I would nearly get done. Did I mention that I was NOT (no pun intended) barefoot and pregnant! I ended up NOT wearing the only thing on my feet that I could find to get me through the stickery backyard to the back door- it was most definitely NOT Pull-Ups! Yeah, don't try it. It doesn't work! Glad you had better luck in crisis situation than I did!